


Destroy yourself (And start again)

by AlphaWolf_x



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Dont need to have read it though, F/M, Foxhole court Au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-19 03:48:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8188451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaWolf_x/pseuds/AlphaWolf_x
Summary: Juvia Lockser has not always existed. Once upon a time she had been Ameonna  Rokusā, a member of Phantom Lord's element four. Phantom Lord were a society of hitmen and women and she expected to be one of the best but the men had taken to abusing her and eventually she fled, leaving her bestfriend Gajeel alone.Now she has joined Fairy Tail's Exy team and must try to keep her identity a secret from her former bestfriend. But that becomes hard when Gray Fullbuster begins to pick away at her secret and Phantom Lord want her back.Will Gajeel, Gray and the Exy team be enough support to save Juvia or will she be thrown back into the abuse?--Or, the Foxhole Court AU that no one asked for.You do not need to read the foxhole court as I don't really follow the story line, just the idea of it.





	1. Everything will change

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for giving my fanfiction a try, guys, I appreciate it.

Your life was never your own. This was something she had to learn at an early age.

You could live but it would never be you that controlled your moves, there was always someone controlling the strings. When she was twelve Juvia cut off her strings and bolted and now she moved around with no purpose or reason.

“Lockser!” Her coach yelled at her as she made her way to the girl’s locker rooms. She had stayed behind running laps waiting on the other girls to leave and just when she felt herself drowning in sweat and the shower calling to her so sweetly, her coach beckoned her over with a smaller figure beside him.

“Coach?” She mumbled, dragging her racquet behind her. She didn’t go too close to them once she realised who the small figure was beside him.

Makarov Dreyar was Coach to Fairy Tail and had spent the last couple of years of his life picking up broken pieces and adding them to his collection in the form of an Exy team. She knew everything about Coach Makarov through her research and knew that he would be trying to recruit a new striker after Lisanna Strauss died last month. But Juvia had never imagined Coach Makarov would look in such a rundown unpopular place for a player.

“Juvia Lockser, it’s good to meet you.” Makarov told her with a smile.

She raised an eyebrow, “Is it?”

He looked taken aback for a few seconds but then let out a smirk; he was used to insolent teenagers.

“Lockser, stow the shit.” Her Coach growled at her. “Coach Makarov is here to recruit you-”

“No.” She cut him off and turned around, picking her racquet up and balancing it on her shoulder. Her elbow was grabbed and she spun around quickly enough to see the attacker was the small man, she dropped her racquet to the ground and stumbled backwards. He was tiny and wouldn’t hurt her in such a public space but she had been fooled many times and would never take chances around men again.

“Sorry for grabbing you, kid, but hear me out? You’ll probably know that we’re tragically down a striker, but what you won’t know yet is that you’ve caught our team’s eye. You’re coach here sent us a video of your last game and you’ve got spirit, girl, and most likely an attitude problem but that just means you’ve got the whole Fairy Tail package.” Makarov grinned.

She shook her head. The idea called to her, Fairy Tail was a talented team despite their raging issues, and she had spent so much of her time researching them that she felt like she already knew them, but it was too dangerous. Fairy Tail was a media trap and their strings belonged to the media, Juvia had cut her strings off and she would not hand them right back over just for an Exy team. “No. Juvia plays Exy for fun, not for a group of damaged kids.”

Makarov laughs, “You _are_ a damaged kid, Juvia. You have no home, you sleep in the school’s locker room, and your parents either don’t take care of you or have abandoned you completely.”

She looked at her Coach in betrayal, she had always known that her coach knew she slept in the locker room but he had never brought it up and she assumed he was letting her do it out of the kindness of his heart but now she realised he was only doing it to say he had trained a future Fairy Tail striker. “That’s why I’m here, Juvia. I’m sure you know the kind of people I recruit.”

“Of course Juvia does.” She scoffed, everyone knew every little detail of the Fairy Tail team’s lives, they were paraded around as mental cases for a devoted and sympathetic fan base. “Lucy Heartfilia, run away rich girl with a passion for whips. Natsu Dragneel, abandoned boy with Daddy issues and fixation with flames. Ga-Gajeel…Redfox, ex-gang member of Phantom Lord.”

“It’s funny you should mention him, he was the one who had begged me to recruit you.” Makarov told her.

Her heart stopped for a few seconds with the fear that Gajeel knew who she was. The only reason she could recognise him was because she watched him grow up in the media, but she had changed since they knew each other, she had grown into a fuller women, she dyed her hair and wore contacts and changed her name so much she sometimes forgot who she was living as. But they _had_ shared such a close bond and it was extremely possible that he remembered her.

“Fuck him. No way. Juvia does not need any favours off of Phantom Lord’s little dog.” She growled.

“Yeah, fuck you too Princess.” A voice snapped.

And then he stepped out of the shaded bleachers.

Makarov sighed, “Gajeel, I told you to be nice to her.”              

He looked taller than he did in the news. She had been taller than him when she was 4 and he was 6 and it annoyed the shit out of him but when he hit 7 he had a massive growth spurt and she would never reach his shoulders again. Then when he hit fourteen she had promised never to stand beside him ever again. But someone was fucking with her strings again.

“Like she cares what I say to her. She’s got an attitude problem and speaking to her like a princess won’t help.” Gajeel snorted, walking over to the three of them and standing beside his Coach. She tried to look into his eyes and see if he remembered her but he didn’t give anything away. “Listen to me, we may be a team of sociopaths but we’re a team none the less. You join us and you get looked after, you also get to play Exy for a long time. I can see that you want that, even if you won’t admit it.”

She did want it; it was all they had ever wanted. They had always wanted to do it together and she was so proud the day the news told her that Gajeel Redfox had made it into Fairy Tail. Now there was an opportunity for them to play together again, it was so close and all she had to do was stretch for it. But if she stretched for it and became too comfortable everything she would have worked for could come crashing down in a matter of seconds.

“Juvia has a condition.”

“Name it and I’ll tell you if it’s reasonable.” Makarov grinned.

“Juvia doesn’t ever want to talk to reporters and she sure as hell doesn’t ever want to be a cover story.”

“I can’t promise they won’t catch you when you’re weak, kid, but I can promise that I would never make you speak to them.” He told her.

“Okay.” She mumbled.

He held out his hand and she weakly shook it.

Coach Makarov gave her a wicked smile. “Welcome to Fairy Tail, Juvia Lockser. If your parents care then I suggest you go see them, we leave tomorrow morning.”


	2. Welcome to Fairy Tail Juvia Lockser

Makarov looked at her sad little backpack will all her belongings in it but said nothing as he opened the car door for her. She sat in the back with Gajeel, keeping the middle seat empty, and tried her hardest to not associate with either of them, she just wanted to look outside the whole way to the Fairy Tail court. But, Makarov was having none of it and kept up the conversation with a little help from Gajeel.

“So, Juvia, how long have you been playing Exy?” Makarov asked her as he drove.

She thought for a few seconds about how to answer that. Gajeel may not remember her but if she let away too many hints then he may be encouraged to put the pieces together. Exy had been something they learned together when she was 7 and he was almost 9, it had been the needle that stitched their friendship even tighter. “Two years.” She lied. But it had some truth in it- it had been two years since she learned a new position. She had always been a dealer but when she joined her team they only had an opening for a striker, so she had to deal.

Gajeel looked at her, suspiciously. She felt her Phantom Lord gang tattoo on her thigh tingle in alarm but he wasn’t suspecting her of lying, he was suspecting her of brilliance- which was nice. “You play like you’ve played it all your life.”

She shrugged. “Natural talent.”

He gave one of his snarky laughs and she almost smiled, it had been so long since she had heard it. Whenever she saw him on the TV or in the news he was always so stiff and serious, she was glad to see they hadn’t broken his spirit. It took away pieces of the guilt she felt for leaving him, but nothing would ever take away _all_ the guilt, expect maybe death.

“I like you, kid, despite your attitude problem.” He told her with his the straight face he used when he complemented people he wasn’t close to. He would always act dismissive when complimenting new people in case it made him look weak, but when he complementing his friends he was a massive sap- or at least he used to be.

“Well done, Juvia, you’ve made your first friend. _And_ with our least friendly player.” Makarov laughed as he pulled in towards the Fairy Tail court.

“Lucky Juvia.” She sighed.

Gajeel scoffed and opened his door as soon as Makarov began to slow down the car, he didn’t wait until the car fully stopped but simply jumped out and began to walk into the court.

“He’s like a puppy seeing his owner. He sees the court and he’s running to it with his tail wagging and his tongue sticking out.” Coach Makarov sighed as he parked.

The Fairy Tail logo was massive on top of the building and Gajeel had left the doors wide open. It excited her, terrified her and made her want to run all at once.

Makarov placed a soft hand on her shoulder but took it off when she flinched. “Juvia, would you mind terribly if I left the introduction to you kids? I need to check with Porlyusica when she’ll be ready to check you over?”

“Juvia does not mind, but she does not need to be checked over.” She told her Coach.

“Sorry, Juvia, I know it can be a little awkward but all our players need to have a check-up every month, you’ll get used to it.” He gave her a smile when she nodded, she knew there was no point arguing anyway and at least there would be patient confidentiality. “Good girl, I’ll see you soon. Have fun!”

She nodded and hooked her backpack through her arms, Coach had volunteered to take it to her dorm for her but she would not part with the bag until she found another place to hide it. All her research of Gajeel as he grew up, all the photos she would cry over and all the train tickets she had bought and not used when she wanted to visit him. If anyone found out they would know who she was and she wouldn’t allow that. Gajeel had gotten out of Phantom Lord and she would not pull the memories back.

When she opened the door to the court she was surprised to see them all lined up. The team captain Erza Scarlet, who had been raised in an illegal child labour factory, stood at the end of the line with a large smile. Next to her was her group of friends, Natsu Dragneel, Lucy Heartfilia and Cana Alberona and next to Cana was Gray Fulbuser, professional psychopath, and his group of friends, Laxus Dreyar, Mirajane Strauss and finally Gajeel. The two groups hated each other off the court but it never affected their team work. Juvia suspected the hatred was fake, at best they disliked each other, but they would protect their teammates regardless.

The door slammed shut behind her and made her jump.

“Hello Juvia! It’s nice to meet you.” Erza grinned as she ran over to pull her into a hug. Juvia’s head was squashed between the older girls breasts but she was too scared to say anything.

“Hello Captain.” She mumbled as the girl finally let her go.

Erza grabbed her shoulders, hard, and looked her right in the eyes. Juvia felt intimidated but she was mostly only frightened around men, although, Erza was definitely stronger than most of her male tormentors. “Please, call me Erza. I hope we are going to be friends, you are so cute!”

“Oh. Um…yes Juvia hopes so too.”

Laxus sneered, “You speak in third person?”

She glared at him but simply nodded her head. She spoke in third person when she first changed her name as a way of remembering it and learning to give that name whenever someone asked for it instead of her birth name. After she had gotten used to her newest name, Juvia, she found that she couldn’t stop herself from continuing to speak the same way.

“I for one think it’s as adorable as _she_ is.” A voice said behind her. Suddenly her breasts where grabbed and despite the voice belonging to an obvious female she tensed up and was drowned in memories. “Ah, another one with big knockers, just what I like to see when we’re training. It makes a _great_ sight.” Her boobs where squished but she was too startled to move out of the grip. She knew now that it was Cana who had grabbed her, it was usual behaviour and the girl was not a threat, but Juvia was still terrified.

From past experiences Juvia knew that turning aggressive only turned the men on more, she had learned after a few months that she had to just stay still and wait for it to be over. But Cana Alberona was not a Phantom Lord man, so she asked in the strongest voice possible, “Let Juvia go, please.”

“Ain’t you just the cutest thing? Since you said please.” Juvia was released from her grip and she immediately backed up to the wall, but Cana followed her just as quickly with a smirk. She didn’t seem extremely dangerous, just a girl who thought she was being endearing or funny, but Juvia could still feel her heart beating out her chest. “I won’t touch you again until you ask.”

“Juvia will not ask.”

“Oh, come on, pretty little flower like you shouldn’t be alone.” Cana laughed and slinked an arm around her neck.

Gajeel sighed, “Cana, leave her alone.”

“Do you have a crush, Gajeel? I thought you only had eyes for Exy?” She laughed and the older boy flipped her off.

“Jesus Christ Cana, will you just fuck off?” Gray Fullbuster growled. Juvia turned to look at him and couldn’t help but let out a startled gasp to see him twiddling a knife in his hand. She had always known that he was the most damaged out of all of the Fairy Tail players. His parents had died when he was only little, then a few years later when he was in the car with his foster sister and mother when they got into a car crash, his seatbelt had not been on and his sister put herself at risk trying to protect him, he had been the only survivor. Lyon was his only remaining family but the two foster brothers played on different Exy teams and it created a lot of trouble for them. Juvia had always liked how strong he was, even after all that happened he still kept going.

“Oh come on, she’s a nervous little thing, she just needs some to loosen-” Cana had moved an arm up to Juvia’s cheek and at that moment the knife that Gray had been holding buried itself into the wall, only a couple of inches away from Cana’s arm. The girl wiped her hand back in shock and stared at her friends with wide, frightened eyes. Juvia felt bad for her, even if she was trying to feel her up.

The Fairy Tail team were silent, but not all that surprised, which for some reason annoyed Juvia. They were a team, and even if they did have problems with each other teams did not throw weapons at another team member.

So she pulled the knife out of the wall and walked over to Gray, extending the knife out to the boy she said, “You seem to have dropped this, how clumsy.”

He grabbed it from her, blade first, and put it into his hoodie pocket. “I don’t make mistakes,” He said. “The knives go where I make them go. You should remember that.” His eyes bore into her and she forced herself to look back. He was so similar to the Phantom Lord men that would corner her at night when they had had too much to drink, the men that wouldn’t listen to her yells that she was part of the elite Element Four, they wouldn’t even listen to her ‘no’.

“And perhaps you should remember that Juvia does not take _shit_ from little boys with anger issues.” She said in her strongest voice possible.

He wasn’t expecting her fire- he was expecting a mousy little girl who would do as he says. But Juvia has never been allowed to be that girl and she would not start now, certainly not for Gray Fullbuster. He took a step closer to her and she did not take one back. “If you _ever_ talk to me like that-”

Natsu chose this moment to intervene. He pushed Juvia back and stood in his place, facing his palms out towards his teammate in a calming gesture. “Gray, leave her alone man.”

“Fuck off.” Gray simply growled and walked out of the court. Laxus and Gajeel followed him out but Mira walked towards her. Juvia expected the same sort of treatment that her two friends had given her but instead she pulled the younger girl into a hug.

“Sorry about Gray, he can be a little rough sometimes.” She said into her ear. Juvia thought that was a massive understatement. Mira let her go but held her tightly at arm’s length. “Lisanna would be glad to see such a gutsy girl take her place.” She smiled, her eyes becoming glassy, before letting her go and following her friends.

Then it became Natsu’s turn to hug her. He looped one arm around her neck and pulled her close, she fought herself very hardly not to punch him in the face and run.

“Hey Juvia!” He yelled into her ear. “Don’t you mind those losers, we’re the ones you want to be a part of, right guys!”

“Hell yeah.” Cana yelled and slapped Lucy on the butt.

“HEY!” Lucy screamed and kicked the flirtatious brunette in the back of her knees. Juvia always marvelled at how the pretty blonde turned into an absolute savage on the court, she was glad to see that she also done it off the court as well.

“Welcome to Fairy Tail, Juvia.” She said with a big smile. “Just ignore Cana’s flirting and perverting and you’ll fit right in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a few chapters already wrote but I wont post everything until I've finished. I'll try to post every couple of days so please stay patient. (:  
> Also, guys, just remember this is like a whole different world from Fairy Tail. Juvia has been raised differently so she's a very different person, her obsession over Gray has to be a quiet one and she has to be a lot more aggressive towards him because of her fear of men. Also, imagine a Gray who went through all the family death but didn't have the support of a whole guild right after it. This is my OOC Gray and Juvia.


	3. Girls just wanna have deep conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s just…if Juvia tells you something could you keep it a secret?”
> 
> Erza took her hand in both of hers and said, “I promise.”
> 
> “Juvia’s real name is not Juvia. She did not grow up where Coach Makarov found her and she does not have parents back in that place. Juvia was once Ameonna Rokusā, part of the Elemental Four, pride and joy of Phantom Lord.”

Cana was a massive pervert but other than that Juvia quite liked her new roommates.

Lucy was nothing like the media portrayed her as- it was true that she had no realisation of the importance of money but Juvia had never met someone so utterly unselfish. Juvia had begun to climb up to the top of the bunk bed she shared with the other girl when Lucy noticed the pain in her face as she pulled herself up.

“Juvia, you take the bottom bunk. I never push myself as much as you do at practice, I don’t want you to be hurting over a silly bed.” She had said. Juvia tried to decline, Lucy was brutal on the court and Juvia was surprised she didn’t ache as much as she did, but Lucy was fixed on giving up the bottom bunk.

And Erza Scarlet surprised her just as much. She was the team’s hard-ass captain and her fighting skills rivalled experts, but she was the sweetest thing Juvia had ever met. The older girl jumped from the bunkbed she shared with Cana and laid beside Juvia, crushing her in a hug, just because she ‘looked like she hadn’t had enough love’.

And despite all Cana’s deviance, she wasn’t a bad person. She even turned around when her roommates changed into their pyjamas (sans Juvia who ran to the bathroom to change.).  

“So, Juvia, what side do you bat for?”

Juvia shrugged, “No side.”

“You don’t give up easily do you, Cana?” Erza laughed from beside her as they leaned their backs on the wall, Lucy and Cana done the same across from them. It was nice, Juvia thought, she hadn’t really spoken to girls much in her life since she was the only female member of Phantom Lord other than her deceased Mother, and in her old Exy team the girls found her strange.

“Oh come on-”

Lucy shouldered her friend and yelled, “Cana stop being a pervert!”

“I’m not...anymore! I promise Juvia, I’ll sexually leave you alone but…you’ve got to bat _some_ way.” She sighed, exasperatedly.

“Look, Juvia doesn’t come from a good place, it was always too dangerous to bat so she just stayed still.” She said, truthfully. The things that happened in Phantom Lord didn’t mean anything when she didn’t consent it, so she didn’t bat for them and after running away she couldn’t trust anyone’s hands on her for too long never mind her mouth.

“Don’t you worry, my little muffin, these are your experiment years. I volunteer myself for the girl test-”

“Cana!” Lucy yelled.

“-and I think Gajeel’s got an eye on you so he can be your boy test.”

“G-ga-jeel?” Juvia stuttered out.

“He does seem to like you, which is strange because he doesn’t really like anyone.” Lucy agreed with her friend, giving Juvia a sympathetic look.

She didn’t think Gajeel liked Juvia like that, but it would be funny if he did. They would always make gagging noises when they were little and someone would make a joke out of how close they were. So if Gajeel, not knowing who she really was, had fell for Juvia Lockser he would end up sick to his stomach when he realised the truth.

“No, no.” Juvia shook her head. “Juvie would like to be his friend though. He’s interesting.”

The girls smirked at each other as they got the wrong idea from her confession. She hoped that Gajeel did not have a crush on Juvia Lockser because she was hoping she could be his next bestfriend.

-

Erza fell asleep cuddling her that night and Juvia didn’t have the heart to move her, so for the first time since she was an eight year old sleeping on a couch with her bestfriend Gajeel, Juvia relaxed into body heat as she fell asleep.

It was probably the best sleep she had had in a long time and she felt like crying when someone knocked on their room door. Lucy jumped down from the top bunk and groaned her way over to the door, she only had on her pyjama tshirt and a pair of underwear but she opened the door anyway.

“Jesus Christ, blondie, cover _up!_ ” Gajeel yelled. Juvia couldn’t see him but she would never forget his voice.

“Shut up, it’s too early in the morning for your shit.” She growled. “What do you want?”

“Master told me to come get the newbie for her check up with Porlyusica, and please give her to me with pants on.” He cried out.

“What’s happening?” Erza snapper her eyes open and rolled off the end of the bed, standing up in a fighting position. She searched the room and relaxed once she saw Gajeel at the door with his hands over his eyes.

“Sorry, Erza, didn’t mean to startle you.” Lucy yawned and walked away from the door to climb back up to the top of her bed. Gajeel kept his hands right over his eyes.

Juvia sat up from her bed, rubbed her tired eyes and told her friend, “I’ll get changed and meet you outside, Gajeel.”

“Please wear pants.” He mumbled as he felt his way down the hall with one hand whilst keeping the other on his eyes.

Juvia picked out her clothes, a black comfy tank top and despite Gajeel’s pleas she chose a blue skirt instead of pants, but her boots would cover most of her legs so she would not reveal anything. When she was around 9 she started to gain unwanted Phantom Lord attention, they would watch her training and follow her around and when she went to their master with her problem his order was that she wore more clothes. But that was a different girl. Now she was Juvia Lockser, and Juvia Lockser was not ashamed of her body, only the scars on top of it. And for as long as was Juvia Lockser, she would wear what she wanted to wear and not what was ‘safest’.

On her way out of the room Erza put a hand on her shoulder and sleepily said, “We won’t look Juvia, I swear. Plus Cana’s asleep. You’re safe to change in the room.”

Juvia was weary of it, she was fine with showing off her legs and if she wanted to she would show her front but her back was a secret, no one could ever see her back. But she trusted Erza –plus Lucy was already back to snoozing in her bed and Cana hadn’t even woken up yet- so she nodded.

Juvia changed quickly and quietly, by the time she met Gajeel outside of the dorms he looked ready to go back to sleep. “Morning, Princess.” He smirked at her.

“Shush, metal head.” She told him and stuck her tongue out.

She hadn’t realised her mistake until he stuttered, “Why…why did you call me that?”

When they were younger Gajeel would call her Rain Women because he had at first thought she was a gloomy person, Juvia didn’t want Gajeel to feel left out so she soon nicknamed him metal head on behalf of all his piercings. She had momentarily forgotten than Juvia Lockser had no childhood memories with Gajeel, nor had she had nicknames with him, that was an entirely different girl.

“You’ve got a lot of piercings that’s all. Sorry, Juvia did not mean to insult you.” She mumbled, walking a little faster so to not see his face.

She needed to stay away from him, because if he found out who she was it was all over. The dyed black hair that utterly destroyed her beloved blue locks and the purple eye contacts that bugged the hell out of her would all be worth nothing. Despite all her work she couldn’t look at him and not want to ask him if he hated his old bestfriend for leaving him, she couldn’t help but wonder if he could be best friends with Juvia Lockser.

“No, no. It’s not insulting it’s just…someone else used to call me it- haven’t heard it in a while.” He said in a small hurt voice. It was physically painful for her to hear, she knew that she was the reason for his pain. “Never mind. I’ve delivered you to Porlyusica, just go in and get your check up and both our jobs will be done.” He told her, roughly shoving her by the shoulders towards a set of doors.

She shoved his hands off and walked through the doors by herself, watching as he leaned against the brick wall and began to type on his phone. The room was empty and she found herself watching her old bestfriend. He had filled out a lot more, it was strange but she was once a lot stronger than he was, the same couldn’t be said anymore. He was happier too. He seemed to get along with the Exy team despite having never been great at making friends that weren’t Juvia; she just wished he had made better friends that Gray and Laxus.

“Hello, girl, I suppose you are our new Juvia?” A voice snapped, making her jump and snap her attention away from Gajeel.

Porlyusica was about ages with their coach, but she look like she could kick _anyone’s_ ass. She stared at Juvia with a mixture of irritation and concern.

“Yes ma’am.” She answered.

“No need to be so formal, Juvia. Come, let me examine you now.” The women said, gesturing for Juvia to follow her.

She sat her down on a hospital bed and rushed around her room, putting things on trays and mumbling to herself, before coming back to Juvia and saying, “I’m going to need you to take your top off so I can get a proper look at your chest.”

Juvia put her two hands around her body and pulled her tank top down protectively.

“I’m a nurse dear, I’ve seen everything. I just need to see your chest for two minute’s maximum and everything that I see remains between the two of us. I would never disrespect patient confidentiality.” Porlyusica told her, seemingly annoyed that Juvia would react in such a way.

Juvia complied, too impressed by the women to refuse, and shyly lifted her tank top off and held it in her lap. The worst thing about it was the cold stethoscope, but then Porlyusica demanded to see her back. Juvia didn’t move, she was paralysed, but she didn’t put her top back on so Porlyusica delicately manoeuvred her body for her. Juvia was waiting for some sort of reaction. Some sort of reaction to the scars, the knife marks on her back that spelt out a word. She remembered the night she was branded. The men had started coming to her room in groups, she was only twelve at this point and she had learned to let the man get over with it but she was not ready for more than one man. She was strong, she was part of the element four, but she was not indestructible. So she finally said no, not the word as that had never worked before, she fought back. The four men didn’t like that and eventually overpowered her, pushing her to the floor and ripping into her back with their knives. When they left she stayed on the floor for a while, she felt like she belonged there, when she finally got up the indisputable pain was excruciating. She barely made it to the bathroom to see the word ‘slut’ carved into her. She kept it hidden, the wound would open up when she ran around with Gajeel but she acted like normal. And then, a week later, she left Phantom Lord _and_ her best friend.

She waited for Porlyusica to react but all she did was gently place the stethoscope against her back and asked her to cough.

After than she was allowed to keep her clothes on and Porlyusica still kept quiet.

It wasn’t until the end of the check-up that she put a hand on the young girls shoulder and said, “You’re a brave girl, Juvia Lockser.”

Juvia didn’t reply, she was not brave, she was a coward.

“I’m a qualified therapist, Juvia, if you ever want to talk.”

Juvia smiled and nodded her head but otherwise ignored the women as she left the room. She found Gajeel right where she had left him half an hour ago. When she had left him all those years ago she hadn’t known that Makarov would save him a couple of months later, her knowledge that day as she left him was that he would be stuck in Phantom Lord forever, and she still left.

“Any terminal illnesses, surprise pregnancies?” He asked her as he began to guide her back to her dorm.

“Juvia will die next month, but it’s okay because her triplets are due ten days before that.” She told him. His laugh made her the happiest she had been in years. It had been so long since she had heard it, he never laughed on TV, and he never smiled or showed his true colours. To the media he was Gajeel Redfox, strong silent type, mean bastard with hitmen for family.

“You remind me of someone.” He sighed as he bashed his shoulder against hers. When she looked up her was smiling at her lightly. She suddenly remembered _‘Gajeel’s got an eye on you’_ and shuddered, surly her best friend had not developed a deep crush on her cover story. She let enough of her own personality seep into Juvia that it should make her annoying but endearing to Gajeel, amusing enough to be a friend but frustrating enough not to date.

She gulped, “Who?”

“An old friend. She was funny like you, but _man_ she knew when to be serious. She was beautiful too, so she had to learn fast how to hurt a man.” There was no doubt on her mind that he was talking about her. Gajeel had no other friends, neither of them ever had a need. Her heart raced a little faster as the fear that he had sussed her out raised. “She could beat my ass within a few minutes.”

She smiled- Gajeel did not know the truth, because if he did he would never admit to her that he knew she could beat him up. He would always claim he was the strongest.

“What happened to her?” She mumbled.

“I don’t know. She could be dead, she could be alone…she could be anything. I just really hope she’s okay.” He said. Her heart felt like it was breaking as she heard it in his voice, the pain she had made him feel. The urge to reveal herself was so strong, she just wanted him to know that she was okay. She might have actually done it if he hadn’t said, “Alright, my job’s done. See you at practice, princess.”

“Yeah, thanks. Juvia will see you later, metal head.” She smiled at him as he walked away but he didn’t turn back.

It had started to rain and she sat down on the grass outside of the girl’s dorms, feeling like the piece of shit she was.

Gajeel Redfox, her bestfriend, thought there was a possibility she was dead. She wondered what she would be like if the roles were reversed and she knew she wouldn’t have coped as well.

She had caused _so_ much pain.

Erza found her when the rain had started to calm down. She had Juvia’s umbrella with her and used it to cover them from the light rain, despite the fact the rain had already soaked through Juvia’s clothes.

“You don’t look like you want to talk much,” She started. “But you should know that you’re part of this family know, Juvia. And we’ll always be here for you.” Erza told her, moving closer to her so that their shoulders were touching.

Erza was much sweeter than Juvia thought she would be. She was the hard-ass captain who put the fear into her rowdiest teammates- even psychopathic Gray respected and feared her. She came from a hard life where no one treated her with kindness (other than her fellow child slaves) but she had still managed to grow up into the sweet and strong women she was. Juvia hadn’t known her for long but she felt as though they were friends. That’s why she spoke.

“You know…Gajeel?”

Erza let out a small laugh, “Yes I believe I do know him.”

“And you know where he came from right?” She was walking on the thinnest ice she’d ever stepped foot on but she trusted Erza and she needed to tell someone. She needed logical advice and help.

“I do, yes. He was part of Phantom Lord.” Erza sighed. “I realise he can be quite intimidating but I promise you he is not a threat-”

“No, Juvia knows that!” She spluttered, pulling away from the older girls heat so she could look her in the eye. “It’s just…if Juvia tells you something could you keep it a secret?”

Erza took her hand in both of hers and said, “I promise.”

“Juvia’s real name is not Juvia. She did not grow up where Coach Makarov found her and she does not have parents back in that place.” She announced. Erza didn’t act as if she had even heard her, just nodded for her to continue. “Juvia was once Ameonna Rokusā, part of the Elemental Four, pride and joy of Phantom Lord.”

Now Erza did react, she leaned forward and stared into Juvia’s eye’s as if looking for evidence that she was telling the truth. The she grabbed both of Juvia’s hands and said, “I won’t tell anyone. Not even Gajeel. I promise.”

“Thank you Erza. Juvia…Juvia doesn’t even know why she told you that. It has been eating her up all these years.”

“I’m glad you told me, Juvia.” Erza smiled and pulled the girl into a hug. “He talks about you when he’s drunk, you know. He must have loved you very much.”

Juvia knew that she was getting the wrong idea so she said, “We had been best friends since Juvia was born. He was the one who taught her to walk, her parents were too busy with their job, and she was the one that taught him how to get beat up.”

Erza began to laugh and released Juvia from the hug, but kept her at arm’s length. “Well, maybe now Juvia and Gajeel can create a friendship.”

For the first time in years, Juvia felt herself being truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im currently finishing off chapter 7 and I expect to have about 10 long chapters? So keep tuned in guys (:


	4. Cana Vs Gray - Pervert War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re always very careful, but not today. You reached up to catch the ball and your tshirt rode up. You know what I’m talking about?”
> 
> She did. “You saw.”
> 
> “I did.” He nodded. “Also, you aren’t holding that up right and I can still see…things.”
> 
> She looked down and realised her tshirt was mostly covering her stomach but left her bra and its inhabitants in clear sight.
> 
> “Well! You wouldn’t need to see it if you weren’t here! Turn around and Juvia will put it on.” She told him aggressively.
> 
> He sighed but politely turned around whilst she pulled her tshirt on. She coughed to let him know he could turn back around and when he did he said “Much better.” She didn’t know if it was an insult or compliment.

She pulled her jeans up in the quiet locker room. She would always wait until the other girls finished getting changed before she started, they would offer to wait on her but she would politely wave them on. Her roommates where used to it but Mira was always persistent to wait, eventually Juvia had to tell the older girl that she was very shy with her body and wanted to change alone.

The girls were all very understanding and Juvia knew they respected her, which is why she wasn’t paying much attention to her surroundings. When she leaned down to pick up her tshirt she heard him.

“You’re a real mystery, new girl.”

Her automatic reaction was to turn round, which wasn’t her best idea as she still had her tshirt in her hands and not covering her bra. She rushed to cover her breasts and noticed that Gray had snapped his attention to the ceiling, he was also _blushing_.

“You aren’t allowed in here!” She yelled at him.

“You’re always very careful, but not today. You reached up to catch the ball and your tshirt rode up. You know what I’m talking about?”

She did. “You saw.”

“I did.” He nodded. “Also, you aren’t holding that up right and I can still see…things.”

She looked down and realised her tshirt was mostly covering her stomach but left her bra and its inhabitants in clear sight.

“Well! You wouldn’t need to see it if you weren’t here! Turn around and Juvia will put it on.” She told him aggressively.

He sighed but politely turned around whilst she pulled her tshirt on. She coughed to let him know he could turn back around and when he did he said “Much better.” She didn’t know if it was an insult or compliment.

“So…slut?”

“Shut your damn mouth.” She growled at him.

He recoiled and she realised that he wasn’t calling her a slut but he was just trying to find a way to bring up the scars. Instead he tried, “Who did it?”

She shook her head, “It doesn’t matter.”

“It isn’t a new scar.” He said, walking closer to her. She wanted to be strong but she took a few steps back out of discomfort. “Which means there’s no one for me to beat up, correct?”

She stopped taking steps back then and looked at him confusedly. Was he trying to say he wanted to hurt the people that scarred her? “Why do you care?” She asked.

“I don’t. I’m a curious boy with nothing interesting to do.”

She couldn’t help but let out a little smirk, “You think Juvia is interesting?”

“I think Juvia is nothing.” He growled. “But I like to beat people up and despite my attitude I treat my team like family. Sucks for you but you’re part of the team now.”

“You throw knives at your family?”

He smirked, “Don’t we all? Now tell me who done it.”

“You are right,” She started. “Family do hurt family, it was Juvia’s Father, okay?” She lied. But it wasn’t technically 100% a lie, her Father was not the one that hurt her but he was the one that let it happen. When all his friends attacked her in the most horrible way he had done nothing. It was one of the reasons she had laughed when he died- the others reasons were that he was a massive dick and whoever murdered him had cut his little one off.

“And where is he now?” Gray asked, slowly pulling out his knife and twiddling it in his hands as he looked her in the eye.

She took a noticeably large breath and muttered, “Dead. So…leave it alone okay?”

“Whatever.” He sighed. Taking a very big step towards her, she tried to match it backwards but found herself against the wall. He took another step until she could feel his breath. “Why are your eyes’ like that?”

“And why is your personality like that.” She snapped back at him.

He ignored her and said, “You’re wearing contacts, why?”

She cursed under her breath. She never had enough money to buy the really good contacts so her purple eye contacts were noticeable fakes from close up. The different shade of blue had been a lot better but Ameonna had blue eyes and she didn’t want anything of Ameonna to remain. The black hair was so far away from the blue and the purple eyes were distinct that they would only be associated with Juvia Lockser.

She didn’t have enough time to think and the best she could come up with was, “Why do you care?”

“If you’re going for some sort of ‘punk’ look then it’s stupid. And we all know they’re fake so it ruins the look.” He told her, finally backing away so the breath she was breathing was fresh and not directly from his own mouth.

She had nothing else to go on and perhaps her dyed black hair gave the illusion of a style so she simply scoffed, “As if you know anything about punk.”

“Stop wearing them.” He said and turned around.

“Fuck off,” She yelled. “And get out of the girls locker rooms.” She added, despite the fact he was already on his way out.

“See you tomorrow, Juvia Lockser.” He pronounced her name strangely as he left. She was scared he knew.

-

“Do you _do_ stuff in the locker room, is that why you’re always last out?” Cana asked as they got ready for bed that night.

Lucy threw her slipper at her friend, “Jesus Cana, will you lay off. Also, give me the slipper back please.”

Cana sighed and chucked the slipper back before adding, “Okay, I don’t mean to be a pervert, I’m just curious. I’m asking as a _friend._ ”

Despite all her advanced Juvia believed her so she answered. “Juvia is just shy about her body.”

Cana stared at her in disbelief, “Why? It’s perfect.”

“Cana is being a pervert again.” She laughed.

Cana blushed, “Sorry.”

“Juvia is going to change now, will Cana turn around or shall she go to the bathroom?” Juvia asked with a little smirk. She was getting more comfortable around her roommates every day, they were sweet and funny girls, they knew her limits and they didn’t push her.

Cana made a show of turning round whilst the other two girls done it politely. Once she had changed she turned around to the mirror and took her contacts out, knowing full well that Gray would make a public thing out of it if she didn’t. It seemed like he was manipulating her a little but men had done much worse to her, plus, she thought that Gray didn’t even realise his behaviour. He didn’t understand that he was going too far or making people scared, she thought that he genuinely believe that he was helping her by telling her she no longer needed to wear the contacts.

“Juvia is ready.” She announced.

The girls turned round and began chatting about their classes and it wasn’t until Lucy dropped down from her bunkbed to ask her something that her eyes were noticed.

“Hold on…have your eyes always been that colour?” She asked. Erza and Cana leapt over to take a look of their own.

“No, they have not!” Cana yelled. “They were a beautiful purple before, now they are an even _more_ beautiful blue?”

“Which colour is real?” Erza asked her, putting her eye only a few centimetres away from Juvia’s.

“Juvia has blue eyes.” She told them. “But, she didn’t like them and bought the contacts a year ago.” She lied. She loved blue because it made her happier and feel warm. The version of herself that she loved the most was the original one (the blue hair and blue eyes and blue everything) and she hated wearing the contacts and hated dying her hair even more. But everything about Ameonna was blue, which meant not much of Juvia could be. “But, Gray caught her and she decided just to give up.”

“When were you with Gray?” Erza asked, raising an eyebrow and sitting on the bed next to her. Cana and Lucy smirked at each other before dropping onto the floor and crossing their legs.

“He…he came into the locker room when Juvia was alone.”

“He _what?_ ” Lucy yelled.

Cana huffed, “And _I’m_ the pervert?”

Erza put a hand on her shoulder, the only one to realise what that meant. “Are you okay? Did he…he didn’t _do_ anything did he?”

“Oh crap Juvia, he didn’t see anything did he?” Lucy leaned forward and rested her head on the bed, inches away from Juvia’s knees.

“He turned around while Juvia changed.” She told them.

Cana laughed, “Who knew our very own psychopath was a gentleman?”

“He’s not that bad, you just know how to push his buttons.” Erza told her with a stern look. “You don’t have to take them out for Gray, Juvia. You don’t have to do anything for him, you know that right?”

She nodded, “I know that. I’d have to buy a new pair in a couple of months anyway so I may as well just leave them out.” She shrugged. She felt like it was a bigger deal to Gray than it was to her anyway, he seemed to hate fakery and Juvia was a big follower of it.

Lucy gave her a cheeky grin and hummed, “He is a lot softer around you.”

“Softer? Juvia doesn’t think so- he can be a bit of a bastard.” She said, smiling when she made her friends laugh. “He did give Juvia a speech on how he saw the team as his family though. It sounded quite sweet, a little crazy but still sweet.”

Cana looked at the two other girls and raised her eyebrows which confused Juvia but she kept her mouth shut. After a couple of minutes Lucy spoke. “Juvia…do you have a _crush_ on Gray?”

“What…no!” She stuttered, throwing her head up so fast it smacked the back of the wall. “Maybe… _no_ …yes?” She dropped her head into her hands and groaned. The girls all laughed.

She totally had a crush on psychopathic Gray Fullbuster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay guys, i'm all finished with the fic now! So i'll be posting everything tonight! Thanks for waiting (:


	5. Secrets were made to be revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ameonna is that you?” A voice yelled.  
> Gajeel’s head shot up, Erza’s looked at her and her own head looked for a way out. It didn’t matter to her that she hadn’t seen who had called on her, all that mattered was that name was spoken and danger was coming back to visit her.

Despite living in the same room they had their first sleepover that night. Juvia had always heard of them but being the only female in Phantom lord she never had one. Gajeel had stayed with her and her with him a few times but having a sleepover with _girl_ friends was much different.

The secret snack stash was broken out and they sat in the middle of the floor with blankets and pillows. They spoke of Juvia’s newfound crush on Gray, which moved on to Lucy’s slight crush on Natsu, then Erza was accused of having a crush on an older student named Jellal Fernandez. Cana needed comforting when she realised how alone she was. _“I mean, where are all the gays?”_ She had yelled.

When she sat down for breakfast the morning after her mouth hurt from having smiled so much. It had been so long since she felt that good.

Gajeel spotted her sitting in the hall and slammed his own breakfast on the space in front of hers. “You’re in a good mood, princess.” He grunted as he sat down.

She had told herself that she was going to do her best to get rid of Gajeel’s attention, she didn’t want to noticeably avoid him but instead emphasise her flaws that he had always dislike until he left her alone. _But_ , with him in front of her with his non-smiley but happy eyed face, there was no way she could destroy the blessing.

“Yes, Juvia is.” She grinned.

“I’m glad.” He said and then spluttered. “N-not because… I care about you or anything…it’s just easier to deal with happy teammates, yknow?”

She laughed, “Juvia understands you, Gajeel.”

“Good.” He mumbled before shoving a cereal in his mouth. The milk dripped down his mouth as it always did- even years later he ate like a young animalistic boy.

The two of them ate in silence for a few minutes, happy in each other’s company, before Gajeel noticed the difference.

“Ay!” He yelled. “Your eyes…”

“Yes, Juvia has always had blue eyes.”

“No she has not.” He scoffed. “Juvia had _purple_ eyes. Do you think I’m stupid?”

She laughed, “Sorry, it was worth a try. Juvia liked the idea of purple eyes so she was trying it out for a little while.”

He stared at her suspiciously and intensively. It scared her. The shade of blue she possessed was quite distinctive, if Gajeel could remember what her eyes were precisely like he would realise the similarities in facial structure and then she would be, truly, completely and utterly _fucked_.

He broke eye contact in favour of downing the rest of the milk from his bowl. “You suit blue.” He said before wiping the milk off his face and placing his bowl into Juvia’s empty bowl.

“Thank you,” She said and then smirked. “And Gajeel suits being nice.”

He scoffed, “Shut up, princess.”

“No deal, metal head.”

They shared a small laugh before the others started to pour into the table. Erza squashed herself in-between the tiny space Cana had decently left between her and Juvia, Lucy and Natsu sat on her other side and chatted to each other. Across from them Laxus and Mira sat on Gajeel’s left and Gray sat on his right, staring at her.

“Nice eyes.” Gray told her with a straight face.

She matched him, “Nice personality.”

Lucy let out a loud laugh and Gray tried his best to glare at her, but Juvia noticed the side of his mouth curl at the side. Maybe Gray Fullbuster was not a psychopath after all. Just damaged like the rest of them.

“Stop flirting.” Laxus groaned before pulling his headphones over his ears and blocking them out.

Gray turned to him, infuriated, and spluttered, “We weren’t flirting!”

The group erupted into laughter at Grays red face and to her amazement he didn’t even threaten them, he simply shoved a piece of his breakfast in his mouth and ignored them.

“This is nice,” Erza sighed. “We don’t hang out enough as a team.”

“We see each other for hours every day, Erza.” Lucy laughed.

“Yeah but we don’t _hang out_. We should have a picnic in the park today!” She exclaimed, clapping her hands together excitedly. “I have some strawberry cake I’ve been saving that we could share.” It was amazing how their ballsy captain could turn into a squealing excited little girl in a matter of seconds.

“Pass.” Gajeel snorted.

“A team picnic means everyone has to go, Gajeel.” Juvia pouted at him.

He glared at her for all but three seconds before sighing, “Whatever.”

Gray made a ‘whipping’ gesture at his friend and looked upset to have not gotten a reaction from him.

* * *

Despite the fact that Laxus simply stared at them with his headphones on and Cana spent most of the time perving on the girls around her, it was the first time she felt herself being part of a team.

It took some convincing but in the end Gray and Laxus trailed after them to the park. Mira and Erza led them across the road like their mothers and Natsu done his very best to almost get hit by every car which made Erza hold his hand.

When they finally reached the park and laid out all the blankets and food it felt like a family day out. Juvia had only ever really had Gajeel, she had never had a family.

“So, Juvia, where is it you come from?” Natsu asked her as he stuffed a mini-muffin in his mouth.

She froze, her own muffin tickling her lips. It wasn’t a simple answer and it wasn’t something she could answer with truth. “Honestly, Juvia comes from every direction. Her family moved a lot so she never really stayed anywhere long enough to call it home.” She told them before nibbling on her cake.

“This is home.” Mira said with a sweet smile.

She blushed and shoved the whole muffin into her mouth, blushing even harder when the group laughed at her.

Everything was going great. Gajeel was on one side of her and Gray was so close on the other side she could feel his arm brush against hers every now and again. The atmosphere was so brilliant that the boys beside her actually smiled and laughed, it was richer than any currency to her.

It was the best day of her life, so logic dictated that it was going to go wrong, and it did.

“Ameonna is that you?” A voice yelled.

Gajeel’s head shot up, Erza’s looked at her and her own head looked for a way out. It didn’t matter to her that she hadn’t seen who had called on her, all that mattered was that name was spoken and danger was coming back to visit her.

“Excuse Juvia…she must…she has to pee.” She stuttered as she quickly shot up from the ground. She dodged all the objects on the blanket and was ready to run for it when her hand was grabbed.

“Of course it’s our beloved Ameonna.” Toto grinned at her, tightening his grip on her wrist.

She ripped her hand out of his grip and took a step backwards. “No…no…Juvia doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

Toto pounced on her again, this time grabbing her tightly around the waist. The team pounced up from the ground, sans Gajeel who was frozen. She didn’t want them to fight, even without her the elemental (three) four were powerful.

“Lay off the sarcasm you idiot, don’t pretend you found her yourself, Master told us where she was.” Another voice piped in. She saw him emerge behind Toto and give her a sad smile. “Hello Ameonna.” Aria said.

“Tut, tut, running away from family- how very unlike you Mademoiselle.” A voice said behind her. She didn’t have to look, she knew it was Sol. She knew the elemental four were all together now.

“Juvia who are these people?” Erza asked her, taking a step towards her friend. She was able to see the look in Aria’s eyes and knew not to provoke him so she kept her distance.

“Juvia doesn’t know.” She lied.

Natsu flicked his lighter up and took a few steps forward, “I’ll deal with them.”

She quickly yelled, “No Natsu! Juvia will sort it.”

He looked unsure but backed down, as did the others. They knew she was a strong girl and she knew they trusted her.

“Come on guys, just leave her alone and we’ll all leave alright. No need for trouble.” Cana said reasonably, walking towards them with her palms facing out.

Toto sighed as he took out a large blade, “Get back girl.”

“Hey!” Gray yelled, taking out his own blade and marching forward. Despite the fact she had once seen Gray throw a knife at Cana he was ready to give his life to protect her.

Juvia managed to struggle out of Aria’s hold just long enough to push Gray to the ground. He was too busy staring at her in disbelief to react. “Juvia will sort this! Please, no one do anything. They’re powerful.”

Gajeel finally stood up and turned around to look at her, “You know them.”

She nodded.

“You didn’t recognise your own bestfriend Gajeel?” Sol laughed.

Gajeel stared at her, taking everything in. She could see it in his eyes when he finally realised how obvious it was. The two of them began to cry.

“Please,” She begged her old teammates. “Just leave Juvia alone.”

“Oh we will,” Toto agreed, but grabbed her shoulders painfully. “We’re only taking Ameonna.”

“You’re not going anywhere with Juvia.” Erza warned them.

Toto turned on her with wildfire in his eyes, “We aren’t doing anything with _Juvia-_ we’re simply taking Ameonna for old time’s sake.” He grinned manically.

“This is going too far. Ameonna, come speak with us for an hour, two tops, and then you will be returned.” Aria reasoned. He always was the softest out of the elemental four; even Juvia was more vicious than him. But she had witnessed him rip apart men twice his size and she would never trust him. “If you don’t come with us we have new _disposable_ Phantom Lord members ready to attack your friends. Even Gajeel couldn’t stop them all.”

She thought about it for too long. She saw the image, the new recruits where the most blood thirsty, ready to prove themselves to the Master, ready to test how far their rage could go. The new recruits would destroy her friends in a matter of minutes.

“If Juvia does come-”

Toto cut her off immediately, “Juvia does not exist, Ameonna!”

She slapped him hard across the face. Aria quickly pulled him back before he had time to register the slap and retaliate. “Juvia is Juvia! Now shut up Toto! If Juvia comes and speaks with you, you will leave the others alone?”

“Cross my heart _mademoiselle_.” Sol grinned at her.

As psychopathic as they all where she believed them, so she began to walk towards them.

“Juvia, what the fuck! You can’t just go with them.” Gray yelled as he pulled her back by the arms.

She turned around to face him, shocked at the amount of emotion that was in his face. “Juvia will be back.”

“I’ll come with you.”

She shook her head aggressively. Gray was strong, he had anger and he had a reason to fight, that made him the perfect victim to the remaining three of the element four. They would demolish him in seconds, regardless of his strength or weapons. “Just trust Juvia, Gray.”

He closed his eyes and took in a breath before slowly nodding his head. Then he reached forward to place a cold object in her hand, she smiled at him and placed it in the hem of her skirt, pulling her top over it. He had given her his blade, if they had been normal people it would be very strange, but they were both psychopaths and it was the equivalent of flowers.

“Juvia is sorry, Gajeel. She would like to talk to you later.” She turned towards him but he was avoiding eye contact with extreme measures. Instead she caught the gaze of her confused teammates and offered them an embarrassed smile. “Juvia would like to talk to you _all_ , later.”

“Lucy- I mean _I_ would like that.” Lucy said, shaking her head when she had caught Juvia’s strange third person habit.

“If she is not returned to us in two hours then we will come and get her.” Mira warned. Despite the cuteness of the blonde, the boys gulped. Everyone that knew anything about Exy knew how savage Mira was. And anyone who looked in her eyes could see her she-devil side.

“Fairy Tail is not to be messed with, you better remember that.” Erza told them.

Toto snorted as he began to roughly pull her away. As she left her team she heard Gajeel whisper, “Please come back to us, rain women.”

* * *

 

“It is lovely to have you back with us, my dear Ameonna.” Toto mumbled as dragged a hand from the top of her arm to the ends of her fingers.

They had brought her to a restaurant that had an aura of Phantom Lord about it, the men were sleazy and the women were nervous but threatening. Once they entered the restaurant the boys ordered some drinks and Juvia specifically asked for an unopened can of juice- if this place _felt_ like Phantom Lord it most likely meant that the Master owned it and the people working were his people, ready to do anything for him.

“If Toto does not refrain himself from touching Juvia then she will castrate him.” She warned, turning her head around to look at him, hopefully he would see the hatred in her eyes. She had once loved him dearly, as a friend, but now he had blown her safest cover and taken her from her friends- meaning she would never love Toto again. To add to her hatred Toto had changed, his casual flirtatious behaviour had turned perverted and his match that was always seconds away from lightening up was burnt to a crisp. “And another thing, Juvia is _not_ going back. She is just coming along to talk, that was the agreement.”

Before Toto could argue or whine over her name Aria cut in, “Correct Juvia, that is our agreement.”

Sol sighed, “I suppose we had just expected you to join us again _mademoiselle_ , we had such a lovely time together.” The words may have been interpreted as sarcastic but Juvia caught his eyes as he spoke. It was true that he genuinely believe Juvia would re-join them, perhaps her old teammates did not know the pain she had been put through, or perhaps they just didn’t care about that.

“Those days were only lovely because of my friends. The rest of Phantom Lord were nothing more than abusers and walking corpses.” She hissed, not sure if she liked the look that passed Sol’s face. It was true that he could be strangely polite and sweet, the two of them had gotten on quite well back in the days and worked great as a team, but Sol’s own Father had been one of her abusers as she was half sure he knew about it.

“Are you still upset about boys having their fun?” Toto huffed, pulling a lock of her black hair and twisting his finger around it. “If it makes you feel better, I’m not sure if they’d do anything now. Blue always illuminated you, black makes you…resistible.”

“ _Totomaru_!” Aria yelled, leaning over the table to slap his friend’s hand away from Juvia. The seating plan was picked by Toto meaning she was right beside him and the other two were across the long table, despite disliking all three of her capturers she would do anything to be beside Aria. Even if the act was fake he was her best chance at getting back to her real friends. “Enough is enough, leave poor Juvia alone. We’re here for a reason and it is not for you to disgust her even more!”

Toto put on a dramatically loud sigh and gestured for his teammate to get along with the business. Juvia took a large gulp of her can to satisfy her nervous thirst before Aria began.

“It’s true Juvia, we all knew what was happening to you back then. We knew the pain you were being put through and yes, we did not do anything to stop it.” He started. She took another gulp of her can so to not look at him. She had always expected it but hearing him admit to it was like a stab wound, they were her teammates but more than that they were her _family_ and they let supposed other family members rape her. There was no forgiveness for them, there would be no redemption. “Don’t look at me like that Juvia, _please._ We wanted to stop it, believe me we would have done _anything_ to stop it. Sol planned his Father’s murder a different way every day.”

Sol cut in, “My favourite plan was to look him in a room with you and watch with glee as you killed him yourself, _mademoiselle_.”

“Master would not allow us to interfere. Our punishment would be worse than your pain he told us.” Toto mumbled through closed teeth.

“You do not know of Juvia’s pain.” She hissed. “You know nothing! She was in _so much pain!”_

Aria leaned forward and grabbed her hand in both of his, she tried to take the hand back but he was desperately clinging on. “Master told us interference ended with your death, before that he’d make you watch Gajeel die slowly and painfully.”

She let out a surprised, wrangled, noise. “Oh.”

“If you were to watch your bestfriend die, there would be nothing left of you. That’s why we did not interfere.”

“Oh.” She mumbled. “Juvia forgives you. For that. But not from stealing her away from her friends, not from blowing her cover that she worked for so long to stabilize.”

“Your cover doesn’t matter.” Toto scoffed. “You won’t be going back.”

She whipped her head around to face the slightly older boy and was surprised at the headache it automatically gave her. “Juvia begs your pardon?”

“I’m sorry, Juvia.” Aria mumbled.

“Do forgive us, _mademoiselle._ We were left with no choice.” Sol sniffed, wiping a most likely fake tear off the corner of his eye. “You left the master with no siblings or children of your own. The elemental four depends on you, my dear. He must have you.”

She rapidly pushed her chair back and got ready to run, but the room started to spin. “You…Juvia is…Juvia is drugged!” She yelled. Looking at the only thing she had had, an unopened can of juice. There must be something in the air, one of the boys must have drugged her when she wasn’t looking.

“Oh, Juvia, even unopened cans have ways of being drugged. Especially when you visit Master’s property.” Toto smirked as he grabbed on to her elbow and began to guide her away from their table.

“You lied to Juvia.” She spat at Aria. She had been stupid to trust him, to trust any of them. They were once her friend but Phantom Lord always came first.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled.

Toto was guiding her to the girls room and the two cowards followed behind them. She hated them all but at least Toto hadn’t hid the monster he was, Aria and Sol pretended to be semi-decent people and that made them worse.

“Un…unforgive-able.” She stuttered.

Toto pushed her against the wall, her head spun and gave her unbearable pain. Then he forcibly kissed her on the mouth.

Sol sighed, “Toto, we’re here to reunite the elemental four, not satisfy your perverted dreams of our _mademoiselle.”_

Toto put a hand at the corner of her mouth and she tried to bite it but she was too drugged up and ended up licking it, which made him more excited and less in pain. “Oh, like you haven’t had some very perverted dreams about our Juvia? How about the elemental three and their slut toy?”

She was filled with rage. Returning her to their master as an order was one thing but Toto was having fun in her misery, Toto was attacking her and she would not let it go.

She tried her best to sound strong but it still gave out as a drunken slur, “Ju-Juvia…will destroy you.”

He laughed. “Oh I hope so.”

“Enough Toto, she’ll be out soon and then we will leave.” Aria whispered, trying not to let her hear.

“You…you may take Juvia b-b-back and… let them break her… again- but she will _never_ be p-part of Ph…Phantom Lord _again_.” She yelled in a slur as she wiped out Gray’s knife. Toto was her main enemy but he was too hyperactive for a straight hit, and for some reason she did not want to directly hurt Aria so she took a slash at Sol’s arm and was satisfied to see blood.

“Juvia!” He shrieked, in disbelief that she could hurt him. She had been in disbelief that her friends could ever take her back to the place they knew was her hell. Perhaps they all realised in that moment they were not friends.

Toto disarmed her and moved the knife towards her hips, dragging it up the side until he reached the start of her breasts. She screamed out in pain and her knees went weak but Aria rushed to keep her standing, rushed to keep her in pain.

“Toto, we are not to damage her.” Aria sighed, as if Toto was his aggressive dog that had bitten a stranger.

“Even damaged she’s a prize.” Toto grinned.

And then, as Toto’s came at her with his wicked grin and Gray’s knife, she heard a familiar voice.

“My nose tells me she’s here.”

With every ounce of energy she had left she let out a scream. “ _NATSU_!”

The scream took everything out of her and she crashed to the ground when Toto let go of her. The last thing she was aware of her friends came barrelling into the room, Gajeel went straight for Toto with Gray at his heels, Erza and Mira were dealing with Aria and Natsu was about to set Sol on fire.

“Thank you.” She mumbled as her eyes closed.

 


	6. Who needs boys when you have mexican food and a bestfriend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Juvia…I know that you have some sort of feeling’s for me. And I wanted to tell you that there’s no point okay?”
> 
> She flinched and immediately broke eye contact with him. She thought she had been so subtle in her love for him but obviously she had go and embarrass herself, she probably made Gray disgusted by her. She always had to ruin everything.
> 
> “Hey, what’s going on in that head of yours?” He asked, leaning closer to her. She tried to move backwards to get away from him but her head hit the wall. She didn’t want to be so close to something she couldn’t have. “It’s nothing to do with you, Juvia. It’s just…everyone around me always gets hurt and yknow what? It’s usually my fault. I’m bad news Juvia Lockser and you need to find a nice boy that will treat you right.”

The first the she was aware was a hand in hers.

The second thing was that she knew it was Gajeel’s.

When they were little the local boys had started to spread rumours that Ameonna was a witch who had brought the terrible weather to them all, they would yell at her and throw things and a group of older boys had tried to dunk her into holy water but Gajeel sorted them out. After that the couple would walk around grasping each other’s hands to show that even though Juvia did not want to use her skills on civilians, Gajeel would. They held hands every day for a full year and it was the most familiar thing Juvia had felt in a long time.

She was scared to show that she was awake at first, she wasn’t ready for the team’s questionings, but tuned in to the sound of breathing and realised that it was just the two of them in the room- also Gajeel was definitely sleeping.

She stared at him for a long time, finally able to take his appearance in and analyse him without looking like a creep. He was slumped on a chair in a painful position and his hair was severely matted. Juvia missed the days where he would let her brush and braid his hair, maybe he’d let her do it again soon.

She leaned forward and petted the top of his head gently, “Gajeel. Gajeel?”

He moved slowly, unafraid and calmly, rubbing his eyes tiredly and muttering. “Ameonna?”

She let out a lazy smile. Juvia Lockser was her name now, it was given to her by herself and Juvia had better memories than Ameonna ever had, but hearing her old name spoken by her old bestfriend made her heart flitter. “Yes.” She answered.

He rapidly rubbed into his eye before opening them and staring at her. He dropped the hand that was attached to her and shuffled his chair backwards, she didn’t know if it was out of surprise or disgust.

“You…you were always her.” He whispered. The lightening was bright in the room and she was able to see the tears forming in his eyes.

“Always Ameonna, but now Juvia.” She told him.

“Juvia…” He whispered, as if testing the name out. “I was so worried. I missed you so much…Juvia.” He muttered. His movements were rapid as if he was scared that he would back out, he ran at her with his arms out and pulled her into a better sitting position and into his arms. He was warm like always, and her head fit right in his chest and next to his heart. She felt more at home than she had in a long time.

“Juvia has missed her bestfriend. She was scared he would be angry.” She admitted, tears falling down her cheek and directly into her mouth.

“How could I be angry? You’re alive and you’re here.”

“Juvia left you…”

He gently pushed her away from his body so that he could look into her eyes and kept his hands on her shoulders as if he was scared she would disappear again. “Aria told me a week after you left. Juvia- I never knew what they were doing to you. I promise I didn’t know, I would have destroyed them all if I knew.”

He didn’t have to explain what Aria had told him, she already knew. Aria had explained her leave by telling him that she was raped, Aria had done what she had never been strong enough to do, he told the truth to her bestfriend. She had always been scared of what he’d think, she knew he wouldn’t say anything bad to her but she was scared of his own personal feelings, she was terrified that he would think she was a slut. And she’d be scared of what he’d do as well, he’d try to take on the whole team of abusers and end up hurt. Instead of telling him she ran, she abandoned her only family because she was scared.

“Will you ever forgive me?” He cried.

She was taken aback. There was nothing to forgive- Gajeel had never done anything wrong when it came to her. He was not the one that split them up and he was not the one who lied.

“Juvia loves you very much, Gajeel Redfox. You are a perfect human being and you did absolutely nothing wrong.” She told him, taking both her hands and placing them on his cheeks. “Juvia only hopes that one day Gajeel will forgive her for the abandonment.”

“You don’t need forgiveness because you did nothing wrong. Despite everything I’m glad you left because you didn’t deserve the pain they put you through.” He told her. She didn’t have the heart to tell her she went through the same pain trying to live away from Phantom Lord with no friends or money. “I love _you_ very much, Juvia Lockser. You did absolutely nothing wrong I thank fuck that you’re back with me now.”

She let out a little laugh before burying herself back into his chest, hearing and feeling the warm beating of his heart. Gajeel wasn’t often expressive or touchy feely but in the rare moments when a situation was deemed emotional, he was the most sensitive and comforting person she knew.

They only separated a few minutes later when someone interrupted them with a cough. She moved slowly away from her bestfriend and he done the same, scared that if they moved to fast they would lose one another again.

“What?” Gajeel growled, keeping his hand on Juvia’s leg.

She turned around to see Gray and couldn’t help the blush. He looked worried, and as bad as that made her she was happy that he was worried because it showed that he wasn’t a psychopath. He had feelings like everyone else, he had feelings like Juvia and she hoped they had the same feeling. She felt her heart pick up when he stared at her, like a lovesick teenage girl, at first she felt embarrassed by the emotion of having a crush because she had never been allowed to be that girl, but now she was going to be straight with her feelings. She would tell Gray Fullbuster that she loved him and he would say whatever he wanted back. And hopefully she wouldn’t be broken by the answer.

Gray nodded his head at Gajeel, “Leave us a long for a bit, would you?”

“No.” Gajeel tightened his grip on the space just below Juvia’s knee, it hurt a little but she wouldn’t tell him. It would take her a while to chastise or tease him like the old days but right now she just wanted to love him.

“Here’s a word you’ve never heard me say, _please_.” Gray mumbled, opening the door further and gesturing for Gajeel to exit.

Gajeel scoffed, “And here are two words you always hear me say, _fuck off._ ”

Juvia placed her hand over Gajeel’s and whispered, “Its fine, metal head, why don’t you go bring us some lunch and we can catch up then?”

He narrowed his eyes at her before sighing, “Still love Mexican food?”

“Juvia will _always_ love Mexican food.” She tittered.

“Okay, rain women, I’ll be back in an hour.” He groaned, realising his grip on her and slowly standing up. As he past Gray on the way out he pushed him against the door and growled, “I expect to come back to her just the way she is now, if I even _suspect_ you’ve hurt her, you’re dead.”

Gray simply sighed, “Yeah, yeah. Now off you go, buy your girlfriend her Mexican food.”

Gajeel didn’t even bother to correct him as he left. The two of them had gotten so used to people expecting them to be a couple that they stopped getting angry or annoyed and just let people think what they wanted. Back in the old days she did acquire a little –okay _huge_ \- crush on him but after a while she realised that he was placed on the earth to be her bestfriend and that was better than anything else.

Gray pulled a chair over and sat near the bottom of her bed. Nothing happened for a few minutes and it was getting awkward so Juvia moved to start the conversation.

“Gajeel isn’t Juvia’s boyfriend, he is her bestfriend.”

“Whatever, I don’t care.” He shrugged. She didn’t know if she had just been rejected or not.

“Did Gray want something from Juvia?” She mumbled.

“Look I know I’m not the nicest guy-”

“Juvia think’s Gray is secretly a nice guy, he just needs someone to show him how to be outwardly nice.”

He looked taken aback and a blush had started to spread around his face. He truly was beautiful, she thought. “Th-thank…you. It’s just…no one _thinks_ I’m a nice guy and I just wanted you to know that the whole team was really worried about you- I meant, _I_ was worried about you Juvia. And I’m really glad you’re okay.”

She felt her own matching blush then, hoping that Gray was about to admit his feelings towards her. She had never felt this way about anyway and it had come on so quickly and _so_ strongly. Sure he was a little damaged around the edges but Juvia had never met a more interesting and appealing person before.

“Juvia is glad that Gray is glad.” She smiled.

He let out a little laugh and Juvia practically felt her eyes turn into hearts. But then he had to go and say, “Juvia…I know that you have some sort of feeling’s for me. And I wanted to tell you that there’s no point okay?”

She flinched and immediately broke eye contact with him. She thought she had been so subtle in her love for him but obviously she had go and embarrass herself, she probably made Gray disgusted by her. She always had to ruin everything.

“Hey, what’s going on in that head of yours?” He asked, leaning closer to her. She tried to move backwards to get away from him but her head hit the wall. She didn’t want to be so close to something she couldn’t have. “It’s nothing to do with you, Juvia. It’s just…everyone around me always gets hurt and yknow what? It’s usually my fault. I’m bad news Juvia Lockser and you need to find a nice boy that will treat you right.”

“Gray-”

He instantly cut her off by standing up and snapping, “I’m serious Juvia, just listen to me for god’s sake. Stay away from me and you’re life will get instantly better. And if you don’t then I’m going to have to find a way to keep you away.” She felt a tear running down her cheek and moved to catch it with her hand but Gray beat her too it. “You have blue roots.” He randomly said.

“Juvia is a blunette.” She answered, more tears following the first.

He used both hands to wipe her cheeks and then began to walk to the door. Just before he left she heard him whisper, “I love blue.”

And then he was gone.

-

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to punch him?” Gajeel asked for the seventh time as he shoved a mini taco in his mouth.

“Juvia is fine- she just gets emotional very easily. She was looking forward to Mexican food and Gajeel.” She grinned at him. The corner of his lips turned up and she counted it a victory. When they were younger she would count the amount of times she made him smile or laugh and take away a point for every time she saw him looking upset. When she left Phantom Lord the count was (roughly) 63 in favour of smiles, but when she left and could only see him through the media the count had gotten to -17. She hoped she could change make it positive again.

“I know this is supposed to be a happy reunion and shit but…what happened to you Juvia? How did you _become_ Juvia?”

“Well, first she became Kyoko, then there was Juno, Juvia was the eleventh identity- it is also Juvia’s favourite identity.” She told him, veering off into a small laugh at the end once she realised how silly it sounded. But she no longer even thought of Juvia as a _new_ identity, Juvia just _was_. “Although, she does wish she could have kept Ameonna’s lovely hair.” She sighed as she pulled on a dark lock.

Gajeel sneered and grabbed another black lock, twisting it around his finger. “Didn’t think I’d ever see you in a colour other than blue, probably why I couldn’t recognise you.” He admitted with a fond smile.

“Perhaps now the secret is out Juvia could return to her favourite colour.” She mumbled absentmindedly as she crunched on a salty nacho. She was too busy eating to notice her bestfriend get one of his ‘looks’.

“Come on, rain princess,” He said, merging the nicknames he had given to Ameonna and Juvia. “Finish your food and I’ll get you looking like yourself in no time.”

“Gajeel will help Juvia with her hair?” She asked excitedly, remembering all the times Gajeel would plait her hair and attempt to teach her to do the same with his. It had taken her a month or two but eventually she was able to give Gajeel perfect little pigtails.

“Gajeel will always help Juvia.” He mumbled as he snatched a nacho of Juvia’s plate and messily crunched into it.


	7. Once upon a time, there was Ameonna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juvia knows she is not alone, that is why she must not allow her friends to get hurt. Juvia would never allow harm to come to a friend.” She told him sadly, gently placing her lips in a soft kiss on top of his hand before turning away. “Juvia will see her roommates soon, and looks forward to seeing everyone else in training tomorrow.” She told them before walking out of the door.
> 
> She heard the commotion of her team as she made her way to the dorms. They yelled, not at each other but just in general.
> 
> And it was all her fault.

“Juvia, I didn’t think it was possible but you’re even _more_ beautiful now.” Cana yelled when Gajeel guided Juvia into the common room.

The group had been sitting down in a strange formation on the couches, strange because it wasn’t in the correct groups. Cana had been speaking with Laxus which is something Juvia had never seen happen before, Natsu and Gray were evidently talking and not fighting and the remaining girls were laughing at something Mira had said. When Juvia walked in they all stood up and came running at her but stop a few feet away when Gajeel stretched out a hand and yelled “She is _fragile_!”

“Cana is correct, you look lovely in blue, Juvia.” Mirajane sweetly smiled.

Juvia blushed, “Thank you Mira, it has always been Juvia’s favourite colour.”

Erza stepped forward and moved to shove Gajeel’s hand away but he flinched away, terrified of their ballsy captain, and the redhead wrapped Juvia in a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay Juvia.”

“Juvia is glad to be back with Erza and the team.” She mumbled into the girls shoulder. “And she knows that she must tell the truth now.”

“Fuck off.” Gray scoffed. Erza quickly let the other girl go and turned around to her teammate in a fighting stance but Juvia could see his eyes and knew he wasn’t being offensive. Erza could see that too and so she relaxed. “You don’t need to do anything, Juvia.”

“Juvia knows this, but she wants to tell the team the truth. She wants them to know.” She nodded with a small smile.

Gajeel placed a hand on her back and guided her to the now empty couch where they both sat down, Cana placed herself to Juvia’s left and left a gigantic amount of space between them.

“It’s okay Cana,” She laughed and put a hand on the girls shoulder, pulling her over. “Juvia knows who you are and she feels very safe around you.”

Cana gave her a small smile and settled comfortably into Juvia’s shoulder. “Thanks, Juvia.” She mumbled.

“Do you want me to do the talking, Rain Princess?” Gajeel mumbled as the other’s sat cross legged in front of her, ready for the story telling from hell.

“No, Juvia is ready to talk about it now, thank you Metal Head.” She smiled.

“Any time you’re uncomfortable just stop, we’ll understand.” Lucy told her.

Natsu knocked his shoulder against Lucy’s and said, “Yeah, Luce is right, we don’t need to hear this but whatever you want to talk about we’re all ears.”

“Okay,” She sighed. “Juvia was born as Ameonna Rokusā and had no choice in her upbringing. She was born _into_ Phantom Lord and she grew up there. At first it was fun, she felt like she belonged in this big family - and she had Gajeel- _but_ then when she got older things started to change. Juvia had never questioned what Phantom Lord was, she had never asked what her parents did for a living, but when she was old enough she became aware of everything. You all know what Phantom Lord was by now, a gang of hitmen, and her mother was one of the very best. The elemental four were the pride and joy of Phantom Lord, they were the best killers known and Juvia’s mother was a part of it- which in turn meant when Juvia was old enough she was part of it.” Gajeel began to steady her when he body started to shake, he knew her whole story and knew what was coming up next. “Juvia…Juvia killed her first target when she was twelve.”

“Holy shit.” Laxus mumbled, and for some reason it made her flinch. If Laxus was tacked aback by her story then the others, the people she was much closer to, must be disgusted by her.

“Yes, it is true. Juvia is a murderer.”

“Shut up.” Gray and Gajeel both said at the same time.

“I’ve read a lot about Phantom Lord Juvia, I don’t believe you did it because you _wanted_ to. They were bad people- you had no other choice than to do as they wanted.” Erza told her sternly. “I speak for the whole team-” She sent a deadly glare to all her teammates as if any of them would ever disagree with her. “-when I say that nothing they made you do is your fault, and as a result none of us would ever judge you.”

Juvia gave a manic laugh, “Just wait.”

Gajeel lowly mumbled, “You don’t have to tell them every-”

She quickly cut them off, “A week after Juvia killed her first target she was raped for the first time. And then the next night for the second time, and then the third, the fourth, so on and so on.”

Cana moved away from her like wild fire and Juvia felt her cheeks heat up. It was not one of her quirky “Is Gray looking at Juvia?” blushes, it was one of her despairing “Juvia is hated” blushes. She noticed the behaviour that showed their disgust, the way Cana avoided looking at her, the way Lucy held a hand to her mouth, the way Natsu looked at everyone else to suss out how he should behave, but most of all she noticed the disgust in Gray as he kept eye contact with her.

She remembered their first meeting, how she had insolently given him his knife back with sass, she had looked back at the moment with pride before at how she did not back down, but now she looked back and wished she had buried the knife in her heart.

“Stop it Juvia.” Gajeel grumbled as he put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it.

She turned away from him, “Juvia isn’t doing anything.”

“No one is judges you, their figuring out how to comfort you and they suck at it but you can’t blame them.” He told her, digging his hand into her shoulder. As soon as he said it she knew he was right, she had always known they were disgusted by her but it would just make it easier if they were. It wasn’t easy when Cana suddenly was upset with herself for propositioning Juvia a bunch of times, it wasn’t easy when the boisterous Natsu did not know how to approach her and it definitely was not easy when Gray thought he had to be the only one looking at her so she wouldn’t feel bad. Juvia’s life was never easy and she was getting sick of it.

“Juvia doesn’t need comfort.” She snapped, standing up from her space on the couch so fast that her head began to spin but she tried her best to act like it had not happened so that she wouldn’t be babied by her bestfriend or Porlyusica. “It’s been over five years now and she is long past the point of comfort. It happened and now it no longer happens that is all there is to it.” She told them sternly, noticing how they flinched as she raised her voice. They would always see her as a murderer and a rape victim now, she didn’t know which one was dominant and was ashamed of herself for wishing it was the first one.

“Grow up, Juvia.” Gray snapped back at her. She recoiled. “You’re in Fairy Tail now and like it or not that comes with the comforting. You’re cared about in this team and if you won’t let us comfort you for you then let us do it for us. Let Mira who cried when you left with those idiots hug you, let Erza who snapped a log in half trying to get her rage out at not being able to help you sleep in your bed tonight, let Cana who thinks she’s now one of your rapists know that you forgive her, let Gajeel who’s apparently you’re long lost best friend take care of you and for god sake let me who tries and fails to not care about anyone teach you self-defence.” He spat, pointing at his team mates as he referred to them.

She took a step back and ended up in her old spot between Gajeel and Cana, and then she acted out of pure instinct and grabbed their hands, placing them in her lap. Gajeel was relaxed but Cana tensed up completely. “Cana is not Juvia’s abusers, she is not even close.” She tried to tell the girl.

Cana stayed silent but she squeezed Juvia’s hand and did not pull back.

“Well?” Gray snapped, not content with her answer.

“Mirajane is allowed all the hug’s she wants, Erza may move into Juvia’s bed with her, Gajeel will always take care of Juvia and she will care for him also, and Gray need not teach Juvia things she already knows.” She announced.

“If you knew self-defence then you wouldn’t get into the situations you find yourself in.”

She let go of her friends hands and left her place beside them in favour of making her way towards Gray, he tensed up as he noticed the look in her eye, the wild and dangerous look that she hadn’t had in so long. As soon as she was close enough she lifted up her hand and slapped him.

The team gasped, all except Gajeel who seemingly expected this.

“The situations Juvia _‘finds herself in’_ are not because she is a silly little girl who doesn’t know how to fight. It’s because she is a tough ass fighter who loves her friends. She endured Phantom Lord for years because of threats towards her bestfriend and she went with three of them because of threats towards her friends.” She told him harshly, enraged at how Gray expected her to be weak. “Juvia has killed tougher men than you.” She added as an afterthought. She would most likely regret her behaviour towards the damaged boy she liked but in that moment all she heard was an accusation that rape was her fault, and despite her own self-hatred she would not stand an accusation like that even if it was not entirely what he meant.

“Offense is not the same as defence Juvia. Just…let me help you.” He murmured, as if he did not want the team to hear him. His cheek was bright red and she only realised then how much power she put into her slap. But still Gray did not retaliate and it went against all the media coverage that portrayed him as a psychopath.

“No.”

He sighed and went to place a hand on her shoulder but then rethought it and dropped his hand. “I didn’t mean to imply that is was your fault. None of that was your fault and I hope one day you can kill those that hurt you.” He whispered, so low that she could barely hear him meaning that the rest of the team would hear nothing.

“Juvia knows you did not mean to offend her. But she does not need lessons on defence because if Phantom Lord ever comes back for her, she will go so that her team does not suffer.” She whispered back to him, aware that the rest of them team were staring at them in anticipation and curiosity.

“Juvia let us help you, you don’t have to do this alone.” Gray mumbled, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Juvia knows she is not alone, that is why she must not allow her friends to get hurt. Juvia would never allow harm to come to a friend.” She told him sadly, gently placing her lips in a soft kiss on top of his hand before turning away. “Juvia will see her roommates soon, and looks forward to seeing everyone else in training tomorrow.” She told them before walking out of the door.

She heard the commotion of her team as she made her way to the dorms. They yelled, not at each other but just in general.

And it was all her fault.


	8. Crush the patriarchy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In many ways Gray was just like Gajeel, the covered themselves in ice and iron so that no one could ever hurt them- also so that they could never hurt someone who did not deserve it- but inside the shell of ice and iron was two lonely boys who were suffocating. For some reason it seemed that Juvia was the one who could break the ice and iron-and that made her think that maybe her life wasn’t all that worthless, people were depending on her.

“No.”

Gray huffed from behind her as she finished putting away her Exy gear. As she put her racquet on top of the shelf she felt a sharp pain in her left hip that then radiated throughout her body, but she knew he was watching her every move so she did not wince or tense up.

“I didn’t even say anything yet, Juvia.” He sighed.

“Doesn’t matter, Juvia knows you’re here to try and teach her useless things.”

“Defending yourself is not useless, Juvia!” He snapped.

She stayed with her back turned to him so that she wouldn’t have to see the pity in his eyes and he wouldn’t see the hurt in hers.

“Juvia can already-”

“Take down men bigger than me, yes I’m aware.”

“-defend herself.” She finished, pretending she did not hear him. It was true that as a young hitwomen she had ended the life of many older, taller and expectedly stronger men, but she was unaware of how she would stand in a fight with Gray. He seemed to be surprising and unlike the targets she had dealt with before he enjoyed fighting with weapons. Juvia’s targets had mostly always been cocky men who killed with their hands and believed they needed no other weapon. There was always the fact that she had not been Ameonna the hit women in a very long time, she hadn’t even been Juvia the fighter since she began to sleep in the school locker-room instead of the streets. It seemed possible that Gray could beat her. And that wasn’t something that she enjoyed thinking about because if a (mostly) family-raised boy could beat her then she had no chance when the remaining element four came back for her and she had negative chance if the Master decided to come for her himself.

“Look I hardly ever offer my help and it’s kind of hurting my feelings when you refuse it.” He told her.

She turned around to look at him then and was surprised to see the corner of his mouth turn up. Gray was _joking_. He was cracking a joke for her. In many ways Gray was just like Gajeel, the covered themselves in ice and iron so that no one could ever hurt them- also so that they could never hurt someone who did not deserve it- but inside the shell of ice and iron was two lonely boys who were suffocating. For some reason it seemed that Juvia was the one who could break the ice and iron-and that made her think that maybe her life wasn’t all that worthless, people were depending on her.

“Well, Gray will just have to offer his help with something else, and then Juvia will not refuse it.” She purred, pleased to see a small blush crawl up his neck.

“If you let me teach you defence then maybe I can help you with…something else.” He muttered.

Her mouth dropped and her eyes twitched like mad. _What is Gray saying?_ She was just playing around with him, knowing that he did not like her the way she liked him but then…was he saying what she thought he was?

“Juvia does not need help in self-defence Gray, also she would like to leave now.” She sighed, realising that he was only telling her what she wanted to hear and would never go through with it. It was most likely he wouldn’t even touch her now after hearing how many men had been with her. So she packed up the last remaining shred of her dignity and walked towards the door, politely waiting for him to move out of her way so he would not have to suffer her disgusting touch.

“Defend yourself then.” Was all he said.

“Huh?” She retorted. Then he moved.

He wiped his beloved knife out and moved towards her, the knife hit the light and she acted out of pure instinct, she knew Gray would not hurt her but her body moved on its own.

She quickly kicked her leg up and knocked the knife out of his hands, he was too dumbstruck over the fact she could kick so high and so fast that he never had the chance to move. Juvia used the same leg, her strongest leg, to kick his legs out so than he crashed to the fall, and then as she leaned her knee on her chest she caught the knife with her left hand and placed it over Gray’s neck.

“Juvia does not need Gray’s help with self-defence. She is quite talented already.” She told him, removing the knife from his neck when she realised she could keep him down with her knee and right hand alone since she was strong and he was shocked.

“I can fucking see that.” He gaped. “Why didn’t you do this to your _real_ attackers then!”

“Juvia has told you that. Her attackers always had leverage over her, they had Gajeel and now they have Gajeel again _and_ the team.”

“Stop worrying about-”

“No!” She snapped, shooting up from the floor and letting him out of her hold. He stayed on the floor but continued to stare at her in disbelief. “If Juvia does not protect her friends then she may as well let Phantom Lord kill her! Juvia would never harm a friend and if she does not comply with her attackers then she _will_ be harming them!”

“You barely even know us, why do you care so much. Why are you putting a bunch of people over your own safety?” He asked her more calmly as he sat up.

“Because Gajeel is part of the team and he is her family,” She told him. “And Because Mira cried when she left, because Erza snapped a log in rage, because Cana think’s she has done wrong and because the team Juvia loves care about her too!” She said, using his own words against him.

“Alright whatever we’re all a big happy family and all that crap but we can’t be happy if you’re dead in a fucking ditch now can we?” He barked.

“They would not kill her, Gray. They would take her back to Master and she would be forced to continue her work.” She said, knowing it was true. No matter how much they would put her through, by raping her or beating her up, they would not kill her. Not when she had no children to take her Elemental Four claim. She did not mean to speak out loud but they thought came to her and the words flowed out before she could stop them, “Perhaps Juvia should just give herself up to Master and get it over with.”

He stood up faster than she thought possibly and was standing directly in front of her in no time. “Don’t you _ever_ say that again, Juvia. Never again.” He warned, their eyes connected in a way she had never experienced before. It was as if she could see his pain through his eyes. He could say whatever he wanted but Gray Fullbuster liked her and he felt the pain just as much as the rest of the team when he was in trouble.

“If Juvia goes the team will be left alone.”

“If Juvia goes then Gray will burn the whole country down until he finds her. And then he’ll pick Juvia’s abusers out of the rubble so he can kill them up close and watch the light in their eyes go out.” He told her. And then after his romantic declaration of murder he leaned closer to her, and their lips met.

It was cold and warm, nice and hot, all in one. Juvia had had her fair amount of kisses- most of them unconsented and from older men with itchy moustaches- but she had never experienced this. She had never wanted to slow time so that they could stay that way for ever, never experienced such happiness because someone was touching her and she certainly never thought that’d she’d crave more whilst still kissing him.

When he pulled away he stayed so close to her that his breath tickled her face. “Don’t leave us…me- don’t leave _me_ Juvia.” He whispered before pulling away further.

She didn’t know what to say in response, she didn’t know if she was supposed to mention the kiss either, so by the time she opened her mouth to speak the door had already closed and he was on the other side of it.

“Okay.” She mumbled. And then louder she said, “Holy shit.”

_Gray Fullbuster just kissed Juvia!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I maybe rushed the kiss but...I've finished the fanfic now and can't change it!  
> Tell me what you think (:


	9. Juvia is fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But Coach, Juvia is fine now!” She whined.
> 
> Gajeel smacked the back of her head. “You haven’t even had your stitches out you idiot!”
> 
> “She can play with stiches in, Gajeel! Juvia is completely fine and ready to play the match tonight.” She told him irritably. She had been practicing with team with her stitches in, she had moved the bunk beds around the room with the girls with the stitches in, there was no reason she couldn’t play Exy with the stitches. The wound had stopped bleeding and the pain had dulled enough that it didn’t make her vision fuzzy. She was completely fine.

“You must be fucking joking!” Juvia yelled at Coach Makarov. She felt bad for yelling at the man that saved her from her life, the only man in her life she could trust. But, then, he made a plan to hurt her. “You cannot do that to Juvia!”

“Juvia! You were unconscious for a whole day Juvia and had to get stitches on your side. There is no way I’d ever let you play.” He said, looking into her eyes like an angry parent as he stood on top of the common room couch and she sulked on the floor. “We can move the players around, Natsu hasn’t been a striker in a while but we’ll manage. Won’t we?”

“Hell yeah! I’m all fired up don’t you worry Juvia!” Natsu yelled with a manic grin.

She tried to smile back but couldn’t manage anything more than a mouth twitch.

“But Coach, Juvia is fine now!” She whined.

Gajeel smacked the back of her head. “You haven’t even had your stitches out you idiot!”

“She can play with stiches in, Gajeel! Juvia is completely fine and ready to play the match tonight.” She told him irritably. She had been practicing with team with her stitches in, she had moved the bunk beds around the room with the girls _with_ the stitches in, there was no reason she couldn’t play Exy with the stitches. The wound had stopped bleeding and the pain had dulled enough that it didn’t make her vision fuzzy. She was completely fine.

“Juvia…” Lucy started, uncertainly as she had watched Juvia yell at her Coach and bestfriend already. “You fainted yesterday morning and when you woke up you were sick in your lap…” She muttered. Juvia wanted to glare at her friend as they had all agreed not to tell Makarov or Porlyusica about that incident so she could play the match, but she couldn’t bring herself to glare at someone who cared about her wellbeing so she simply shrugged.

“You should have told me about that, Lucy,” Coach Makarov sighed. “Juvia, you need to go back to Porlyusica and-”

“No! Juvia doesn’t want to go back to white rooms that smell of sick, white sheets with blood and needles all around her. And do not blame Lucy, Coach, as Juvia made her promise not to tell.” She cried, putting more drama into her speech than she had to in order to cash in some sympathy.

“Juvia…you have no idea how angry and worried we all are.” Coach suddenly growled. She recoiled, however she knew he was not angry _at_ her. “When someone hurts my little brats all I want to do is destroy them. And-”

She cut him off out of curiosity, “Coach…coach thinks of Juvia as one of his brats?”

“Of course.” He said, scrunching up his face as if the question was ridiculous. Juvia couldn’t believe it, she had _finally_ found a perfect family. It didn’t matter that it was made out of psychopaths and it didn’t matter that she had only been there for such a little time, they regarded her as family. “Anyway,” He snapped. “All my strength is being used to keep me from murdering those that hurt you. So, please, don’t fight me on this. You are not playing tonight.”

“Juvia is fine.” She told him once again.

“Juvia you fucking idiot, you are _not_ fine.” Gray yelled as he pushed his blade into the coffee table for about the tenth time since she got there. She opened her mouth to reply when he took the knife out without a struggle and pointed it at her. “If you ever think about trying to find some sort of way to play tonight I’m going to tie you up in a closet where you can’t watch the game. And then, I’m going to make sure we lose the match just to spite you.” He warned.

She thought about it for a moment, before realising that it was something Gray would actually do. And as much as she wanted to play the match she wanted to watch the game and watch her team win more. So she nodded her head with a sigh. Gray smirked in victory.

“Oh, so, you won’t listen to me, the long lost bestfriend, but you’ll listen to him –the psychopathic boyfriend?” Gajeel snapped, sticking a hand on his hip and glaring at her. She saw him younger in that moment, they were running around Phantom Lord and he was chastising her for stealing a donut from the kitchen. _“Just because we kill, doesn’t mean we have to be savages for god sake.”_ He had told her whilst striking the same sassy annoyed pose.

She was thinking about her bestfriend for so long she didn’t even catch his wording. _Is Gray Juvia’s boyfriend?_ They had only kissed that one time and although she had been thinking about it every second after it happened, she didn’t think that it meant they were together now. She wished it was true but she _knew_ Gray, and knew how strange he was when it came to personal relationships.

“I’m not…she’s…we’re not-”

“As much as I love to see him squirm,” Laxus yawned. “This isn’t the time to discus Juvia and Gray. We can do that later. Right now we really have to go over the plan for tonight now that we don’t have Juvia.”

She opened her mouth but Gajeel butted in, “If you try and play I’ll show them about your ninth Halloween.” He warned.

She knew for a fact that Gajeel would still have the photo- he would have it for as long as he lived. Nine year old Juvia in a chubby pumpkin outfit rolling down a steep hill as four dogs chased her was not a picture she wanted anyone to see –especially not Gray.

She gulped, “Juvia is not playing tonight’s match.”

“I want to see Juvia’s ninth Halloween!” Natsu yelled excitedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For you readers that have read the foxhole court I hope you appreciate my overuse of the main character telling their friends they are 'fine'.


	10. Happiness is always short-lived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She began to swing their hands again despite Gajeel’s groaning, and as she could see Gray in front of her swatting away the reporters who tried to ask Mira if she would be doing any ‘nude’ photoshoots, and their Captain in front of him walking with no distractions as that one time she shoved a microphone in a reporters mouth had put the fear in every reporter in Magnolia, Juvia was extremely happy.
> 
> So of course something bad had to happen.

“THAT IS JUVIA’S BESTFRIEND!” She screamed in joy, standing up with the Coach and Porlyusica as Gajeel scored the winning point. He looked up at her and shook his head and she was close enough to see his blush. “JUVIA’S BESTFRIEND IS A BADASS WOO!”

Apparently Juvia’s excitement and cheerleading was effective because the Master, who was usually quieter in his cheering, suddenly yelled out. “THAT’S MY BRATS- PERFECT LITTLE BRATS!”

Even Porlyusica clapped, which was a big deal.

Juvia couldn’t help herself, it was the first win since she joined the team and she didn’t want to be stuck on the bench, so she shot up despite the Coach’s warnings and ran on to the field. Makarov and Porlyusica followed her slowly whilst groaning.

“BESTFRIEND BESTFRIEND, JU-V-IA’S BESTFRIEND!” She sang, jumping up onto Gajeel and laughing when he just managed to catch her by holding her thighs. She knocked his helmet off to she could see his grin. “You did it. Everyone did it!”

“Yeah, Rain Princess, we all did it.” He laughed and spun her around once before shoving her back onto the ground.

She gave him one last cheer before running to hug Gray, he automatically stiffened but once he saw how cheerful he was he soften and put his arm around her.

“Well done! You were awesome!” She yelled.

“Oh…yeah so were you- I mean your cheering. It…helped.” He muttered.

She let go of him and stared widely into his eyes, “Do you really mean it?” He slowly nodded. “Juvia is so glad her cheering was good!” She shrieked and pulled him into one last hug, jumping a little bit on her tiptoes.

And then, as much as she wanted to stay in Gray’s arms, she had other friends to hug. So she gave his helmet a loud cheerful kiss and then ran off to jump on Erza.

After hugging the life out of all her teammates, she even managed to hold Laxus for four seconds, they began a victory walk outside. She swung Gajeel’s hand in hers as they skipped out, neither of them cared much when reporters began to ask if were now dating.

Eventually Gajeel answered them, “Did you really not hear her annoying screaming during the match?” He groaned. “We’re bestfriends.”

“Yes, bestfriends!” She grinned. “Juvia is glad to have a bestfriend like Gajeel! But dating him would be yuk!” She stuck her tongue out and blushed when she realised they had taken a picture of her like that. Despite asking Coach Makarov to keep the reporters away for her she knew they would corner her eventually, perhaps it was better for the front page to be Juvia and Gajeel’s friendship rather than Ameonna and Gajeel’s old murdering days in Phantom Lord.

“Your hair and eyes are different, Juvia! Is this the new Fairy Tail Juvia?” A reported asked, shoving a microphone in her face.

“Juvia loves blue!” Was all she said before allowing Gajeel to direct her away.

She began to swing their hands again despite Gajeel’s groaning, and as she could see Gray in front of her swatting away the reporters who tried to ask Mira if she would be doing any ‘nude’ photoshoots, and their Captain in front of him walking with no distractions as that one time she shoved a microphone in a reporters mouth had put the fear in every reporter in Magnolia, Juvia was extremely happy.

So of course something bad had to happen.

A pair of hands from the crowd shot out and grabbed Lucy from the waist, pulling her into the crowd. Natsu rapidly grabbed her hands and was much stronger than the attacker so had Lucy clinging to him in fear in no time.

“Hey, you bastard! No one touches Luce!” He yelled, his eyes wild and large as he took his prized lighter out of his pocket.

“Woah there, I know I like to drink but no need to throw it at me!” Cana yelled as a glass bottle smashed at her feet.

Gajeel pulled Juvia closer to him protectively and they both searched the area for upcoming danger. The sentiment was nice but Juvia did not need protecting.

“Everyone go to the van, _now_!” Coach Makarov yelled as he ushered Mira to run in front of him. “Cana, right now!” He snapped as he watched Cana continue to yell at the rioters. Juvia had never seen their Coach like this, his small body was ridged with rage and his eyes were wide and unblinking. He truly was an image of strength and protectiveness.

“Alright, who wasted the booze huh, come on. Was it you!” Cana yelled as she pointed a finger into the crowd.

As an answer a young women in the middle of the crowd lifted up her hand and waved at Cana, before using her other hand to throw a glass bottle at her. The bottle hit the corner of Cana’s head and smashed into the ground. The impact of the bottle made Cana sway to the side twice before crashing to the ground.

“Cana!” Juvia yelled and ran forward, kneeling into the glass and cutting her knee’s to see the girl. She place two fingers on her neck and then her wrist, thankful to feel a hearty pulse. Whilst unconscious Cana looked so innocent and fragile and it made Juvia cry.

“Juvia, grab Cana and let’s go!” Coach cried at her.

Juvia pushed her hands under Cana’s body and lifted her up, but her legs turned weak from all the panic and she struggled under Cana’s weight.

“I got her, let’s go.” Gajeel told her as he roughly took Cana from her and began running.

She was behind him, moments away from the bus when it happened.

A hand grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her into the rioter’s crowd.

“You brought this on yourself, Juvia. I’m not even sorry anymore.” Her kidnapper sighed as she was pulled further into the crowd. An elbow bashed into her eye and others caught her in the ribs and stomach.

“Juvia! Juvia!” Gajeel yelled, now noticing she was gone. “Dammit, _fuck!_ She was right behind me!”

She had only just started to cry when they reached the end of the crowd. Her kidnapper was in a large black hoodie and she could not see the face as she was shoved into a limousine with blackout windows.

She blinked away her tears and looked at three figures in front of her, one was her kidnapper and the other two were accomplices. All three were her enemies.

“Ameonna!” Toto grinned and wiggled his hand at her in greeting. “I love what you’ve done with your hair. You are truly beautiful now.” He smirked as he made his way from the end of the limo to her.

Aria, who had tried to limit her pain before, sat in his black hoodie and turned to face Sol- completely ignoring the catastrophe that was about to occur.

She saw Toto coming with his disgusting hands and sickening grin, and she could sense what he wanted to do. So she threw away the luxury of feeling pain and turned to the window.

She would never feel rape again.

She bashed her head against the blackout window and smiled as her vision turned black.

* * *

 

When she woke up she was tied down in an uncomfortable wooden chair, the headache hit her like a pile of bricks and knives and her kidnappers hadn’t even bothered to wipe the dried blood off her face. It took her a moment to open her eyes as the dried blood had held the lids together, and when her eyes finally opened and she blinked the bright light away, she felt like she was a little girl again.

Training with the other kids as Master watched her with interest, being moved into the adult training with three of her friends and getting the shit beaten out of them for a year before they could finally beat shit out of fully grown men and women.

Graduating from training class into proper work and taking down her first target. A thieve just outside of Fiore, thirty-three years old then and dead now because of Ameonna.

And she remembered the first time she was abused. The way they made her stop screaming by placing a fist in her mouth, the way her tears sept through the fist and into her mouth, the way it hurt for days after and the way it didn’t stop.

She remembered _all_ of it.

Because of him.

“Hello, Jose.” She said. Knowing that silence was the worst thing she could do. Master loved silence, he believed silence meant fear and fear meant he had great strength. But, despite all the things she remembered, Juvia was not scared.

“Ameonna Rokusā, oh how I’ve missed you.” Master Jose sighed happily as he leaned forward on his chair. He sat directly in front of her with the three traitors standing behind him.

She let out a malicious laugh, “Juvia has not missed you at all.”

“Juvia? Who is this Juvia?” Jose asked, raising his eyebrows and turning around to his puppets. His tone of voice let her know that he already knew of her new identity, he just enjoyed games and drama.

“That’s what she goes by now.” Aria answered, straight faced. Gajeel had never liked him, believed he was a coward, and now Juvia knew her bestfriend was right.

Toto sighed, “Juvia is a made up stupid bitch.”

“Now, Toto, Juvia is a guest of ours and we will be civil enough to address her as who she wishes to be.” Master Jose said and turned back to her with a smile. She had fell for that smile once, not in the way she fell for Gray’s smile but the way she fell for Gajeel’s warm essence, once upon a time she had believed Jose was a good man. As her Mother was part of the elemental four and her Father was a renowned hitman they were often away on jobs that took them away for months at a time and when they were away they expected their daughter to be advanced enough to look after herself- even at the young age of five. It had always worked out fine, despite her sadness at being left she _was_ extremely advanced and could survive on her own, but she found that she didn’t need to be alone. Their Master would drop in most days and make sure she was well, he would eat dinner with her when she was alone, and when she very young her would help her with her bath. It wasn’t until she hit the age of twelve she realised he wasn’t being kind, he was making sure his new female in the elemental four survived to kill for him. But by the time she realised this it was too late, she had already put her life in his hands, and he had broken it.

Juvia let a kind smile appear on her face and said, “Juvia’s decided she doesn’t want to be a guest. So, if you’d just let her go, she’ll be going now.” Aria shook his head at her as if she was a vexing toddler and Sol looked upset, but she didn’t care. If she put up a fight Jose would hurt her, and if she co-operated Jose would hurt her. Why not have a little, psychotic, twisted, fun with it?

“You’re all grown up now, _Juvia,_ this new look is not my favourite.” He sighed, as if he was a concerned parent whose child was in the midst of their rebellious punk phase. When he looked after her in the absence of her parents he would always leave out a set of clothes for her, clothes that she would hide in the bottom of her closet because she hated them, boring professional clothes with no colour or fashion. And when she started going on jobs Jose would do the same thing, she was not allowed to wear what she wanted and she was made to take out the facial piercings she had gotten to match her bestfriend. Jose treated her like a doll and Ameonna had let him, but Juvia would not be played with.

“Would you prefer Juvia was still a child? Do you prefer them young, Jose?” She asked, tilting her head.

He let out a jolly laugh, “You still have fire in you, my girl. Let’s see how much is left when we’re finished with you.”

She tried not to show any emotion but knew that the fear she had not felt before was coming back. She was strong but she was not idiotic, any sane person would fear the punishment for betraying Phantom Lord. She was just glad Gajeel was not being punished with her.

“Toto, get the stuff.” Jose ordered.

Toto saluted manically before walking to the corner of the room where the ‘medical’ supplies where kept.

She gulped.

The medical supplies of Phantom Lord could either be extremely helpful, or unbelievably tormenting

When she had just started excel in the elemental four Jose had placed them all in the medical room as an enemy was dealt with in an ‘acceptable way’. The black liquid called ‘Necro’ had been inserted into the screaming women and what happened to her left Juvia having nightmares and panic attacks for months. The women had snow-like skin and dyed white hair that reached her hips, she was absolutely beautiful, and Juvia knew she was an amazing fighter. Her name was Aurora and she was Juvia’s hero although they had never spoken to one another. But, Aurora had been sentenced to torture and death for the murder of another Phantom Lord member, an up ranking male who had attempted to rape her. When Necro had been inserted into her veins her blood left her body through every possible exit- it came out of her eyes and stained her snow-like skin, it leaked from her eyes and clung to her dyed white hair, it dripped from her nose and into her mouth before leaving the mouth with even more blood. She wailed, Juvia had never heard such wounded noises before in her life and she would never _ever_ forget the sound, and as she wailed the blood in her mouth would choke her causing her to cough it up. On the floor, amongst all the blood, Juvia had been certain she saw flesh or tissue amongst it. It took Aurora seventeen minutes to die, and it took Gajeel the same amount of time to convince Juvianot to kill all those involved in the murder.

She did not want to die the way Aurora had.

When the tray of supplied was placed down next to her she sighed a breath of relief, Necro was not there. But she knew she was not safe yet. A tattoo gun that was used for Phantom Lord markings was laid out along with three needles, all full of chemicals. ‘Motum’ the orange liquid was a more brutal version of a sedative, the white liquid ‘Exelepsi’ was the memory erasing drug and the green liquid was terrifyingly unknown to her.

“Tell me Juvia,” Jose exhaled as he walked towards her and picked up the tattoo gun. She remembered the excitement of sitting in the same chair, with the same man in front of her as she presented her thigh for the tattoo- she had been so naïve. “Do you still have your mark?”

“Yes.” She said through gritted teeth.

“Toto see if she’s lying.” Jose grumbled as he began to start the tattoo gun.

“No, no, please! It’s still there I don’t need another!” She began to yell, all her earlier promises of not fighting back were thrown out of the window. But she was tied down and as Toto cut away at her jeans until they were a very short pair of shorts, there was nothing she could do.

Master smiled at the mark, not even bothered by the healed cut in the shape of an ‘x’ she had slashed into it after watching Aurora’s death.

“That pleases me Juvia- perhaps you didn’t fully betray us.” He smiled as Toto placed another restraint around her neck. She was too surprised to react. Then another one was placed around her forehead and the panic became so large that she was scared she’d forget how to breathe. She hadn’t had a real panic attack in years and she did not want to start now whilst her abuser was in front of her with a tattoo gun.

“If you do this Juvia will never kill for you!” She warned.

Jose simply smiled at her as he came at her with the gun. “Of course you will, Juvia, or we’ll kill that team of yours.”

When she had been marked the first time it had only stung a little, most of her excitement burned away the pain and she was determined to be strong in order to impress Jose. But now, as Jose pushed needles into the soft flesh of her under eye, she screamed out in pain as the tears sailed down. She screamed the whole time but could not move due to the restraints. The only thing she could do was pinch her own thigh and hope it hovered over the mark.

When Jose finished he replaced the tattoo gun in his hand with a needle, the one filled with Motum.

The door suddenly slammed open, and as she was facing the wall she got the hopeful feeling that she was about to be rescued, that the team had found her and she would not have to suffer through the whole experience of Phantom torture. But then the voice spoke, “Master, the police are here!” and she knew she was still alone.

Jose sighed, “For fuck sake.”

“You get out of here Master, we will finish her.” Toto, who had become the Master’s lap dog, helpfully offered.

Jose brushed a hand over Juvia’s tear soaked cheek and smirked, “I will see you soon, dear Ameonna.” He told her. She tried to spit at him but did not have enough power and the saliva dribbled down her chin. He laughed and turned to Toto, “Make sure you do it right, Toto!”

Toto gave a strong nod. “I won’t disappoint you.”

“You better not.” Jose sighed as he was guided out the room by another member that Juvia either did not know or had not remembered.

The pain that had started from her under eye had spread throughout her whole face and it was unbearable. _Juvia has gave up,_ she thought, _Juvia just wants to die now. She wants it all to stop._

But the pain would not stop for as long as she was on Phantom Lord territory, Toto jammed the first needle into the side of her neck and she was too surprised to react. By the time she opened her mouth to scream the needle was out and he had picked up the next.

“Toto please, not this one. Leave Juvia’s memories _please!_ ” She screamed, the tears falling heavier now. This pain was worse than the physical pain. For years she had been begging the world to take away her memories but not now, not when she had good ones. Not when she had sleepovers with three funny and kind girls, not when she finally had her bestfriend back, not when she had kissed Gray and certainly not now when she was part of a team- a _family_. Juvia needed her memories more than she needed air.

“You’ll thank me for this later, Ameonna. Juvia will go with the memories and the elemental four with destroy the world!” Toto laughed, placing a thumb over her neck to look for the previous needle wound.

The door opened again and she expected Jose to return and take her memories himself, but this time the world decided Juvia Lockser had had enough pain and torture.

“Drop the needle, _now!_ Put your hands up.” A voice yelled, followed by a range of figures in uniform running into the room. Toto was tackled to the floor when he continued to move the needle towards Juvia but the other two complied with the officers.

Juvia’s restraints were taken off just in time for her to throw up on the floor and not herself. A police officer rubbed her back whilst she vomited and whispered soothing words to her.

“You’re going to be okay, Juvia, we’re going to get you to a hospital my dear.” The male officer promised.

“Please make sure my team is there.” She mumbled as she drifted off into the darkness, once again, hopefully for the last time.

 


	11. The sunshine after the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They grinned back at her and she realised that this was her life because of all her pain. If she had not went through the pain of Phantom Lord then she would have never been part of Fairy Tail, she would not have Gajeel, she would never have met Gray or shared a room with Erza, Cana and Lucy- she would not be Juvia.
> 
> So, for the first time in her life, she was thankful for the pain.

“Okay, so I’ll take the morning shift tomorrow with Natsu. Gajeel and Gray you take the afternoon shift-”

“Look here bunny girl, I’m taking the _every time_ shift ya hear? I ain’t letting her out my sight.”

“Yeah, great plan and all Luce but I think I’d just like to stay here for a while.”

“Well, we can’t all be here all the time, we’ll smother her!”

“I think she needs some smothering, poor dear.”

“Mira, please stop crying, she’s going to be alright.”

“It’s just…why did this happen?”

It was strange. Juvia’s last memory was throwing up and collapsing to the hard floor in one of Phantom Lord’s hideout’s and now, she was lying down in a comfy bed with a hand in each of hers as people cried around her and others patted away at her body in a comforting way.

She had wanted to have some time to think, to see what Jose had done to her face, before reuniting with the team, but they had all seen her now and had made plans for someone to be with her at all times.

So she opened her eyes.

Gajeel and Gray held her hands, Cana sat at the end of the bed with Lucy and slowly patted Juvia’s shins, Natsu sat behind Gray on the window cell as he carefully flicked his lighter on and off, Erza sat on the bedside table and played with Juvia’s hair, Laxus awkwardly patted Mira’s head as she cried on Coach Makarovs shoulder.

They stared at her, unsure if her eyes were opened because she was awake or by chance. So she smiled and them and said, “Juvia truly loves Fairy Tail.”

“You scared the shit out of me, Juvia. I thought I lost you again.” Gajeel whispered, tightening his grip on her left hand. When she turned to smile at him she realised that he was crying, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot and his lip was trembling.

“Oh, Gajeel, Juvia is so sorry for making you this upset. She did not mean to leave you.” She cried, squeezing his hand back with all the strength she could muster.

“T-typical…Juvia. Apologising at a time like this.” Gray mumbled. He, too, was crying, and then Juvia looked around the room she realised that actually _everyone_ was crying. “You fucking idiot.”

“Gray, do not insult her right now.” Erza said as she punched him in the arm. “Fairy Tail truly loves you, Juvia Lockser.” Erza told her with a tearful smile.

Juvia relaxed into it all. The soft hands of her bestfriend and her crush/maybe boyfriend, the soothing actions of her Captain playing with her hair, the comfort of two of her roommates tapping her leg just to remind her they were there- Juvia relaxed into the love.

And for once, she believed she deserved it.

“Juvia is glad that they left her memories.” She sighed happily.

Gajeel turned tense. “Juvia...please tell me they weren’t using-”

“Afraid so, Gajeel. They used the chemicals on Juvia. But, luckily, she was found before they could use Motum’.” She told her friend.

"What on earth _is_ Phantom Lord." Coach Makarov whispered in disbelief at two of his players upbringings. _It must be hard on him sometimes,_ Juvia thought, _all his players came from such troubled homes and he had to parent all of them._

Gajeel stared at her, unsure if the subject still caused the dreadful panic attacks, and whispered, “They didn’t…please tell me that…”

She cut him off with a small smile, “Necro was not on the tray for Juvia. They didn’t want to kill her, they wanted to make her Ameonna again. An Ameonna that wouldn’t know Gajeel, or know the pain of abuse, an Ameonna that would kill without question.”

“I’m glad you’re still Juvia.” He said, and used his free hand to rub his thumb under her cheek. It wasn’t the wounded cheek but it reminded her of the tattoo.

“Gajeel…please get Juvia a mirror.”

“Juvia-”

“Please, Gajeel, Juvia wants to see.” She begged him.

He sighed and gave Lucy a simple nod, they had been expecting her to ask of this, and then Lucy presented her with a small compact mirror. She popped it open and shakily held it up to her face.

“Well…” She mumbled as she let go of Gray’s hand to prod at it. “At least it’s blue.”

A small blue rain drop directly under her eye, if it hadn’t been given it by Jose she may have actually liked it.

“Of course the colour was your worry.” Gray laughed. “Don’t worry we’ve got enough money from sponsors to pay for the removal-”

“No.”

“Huh?”

“Juvia wishes to keep it.” She said strongly as she handed Lucy back her compact mirror.

The girl took it unsurely and said, “But, Juvia-”

She cut her off with a smile, “It will remind Juvia what she has been through, and how strong she has been.”

Laxus snorted, “Typical psychopathic answer of a Fairy Tail player.”

Cana leaned closer to her, unaware of how she was pushing her elbow into a soft part of Juvia’s leg. “It look’s good. Make’s you look badass as fuck.” She told her.

“Juvia _is_ badass as fuck.” She giggled.

“Fuck yeah!” Natsu yelled, a little too loudly as her head was still pounding.

“Crazy bitch,” Gajeel sighed. Then he grabbed her hand in both of his and mumbled, “You’re never leaving me again, Rain Princess.”

“You’re all stuck with Juvia.” She happily told her team.

They grinned back at her and she realised that this was her life _because_ of all her pain. If she had not went through the pain of Phantom Lord then she would have never been part of Fairy Tail, she would not have Gajeel, she would never have met Gray or shared a room with Erza, Cana and Lucy- she would not be Juvia.

So, for the first time in her life, she was thankful for the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the lack of Lauxus and Mira, they were essential to the story only because Fairy Tail obviously needed enough players for a team and stuff but neither are that close to Juvia and i'm not good at writing them. So if your a Lauxus or Mira lover, sorry! (:


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER

“Coach Makarov? May Juvia begin to train again today?” She asked sweetly as she watched her female teammates enter the changing room.

“Juvia…it’s only been a week since the incident.” He sighed. They had taken to calling what happened ‘the incident’ and realised that there were two Juvia’s- the Juvia before ‘the incident’ and the Juvia after. Gajeel teaser her by saying that the Juvia after the incident was just an annoying version but really he knew, it was the happy version. “You know I can’t allow you to train for another three weeks. Porlyusica ordered it, because of the physical and emotional trauma.”

“Okay,” She grinned, shrugging her shoulders. “Juvia just thought she’d chance her luck.”

Coach smiled, “You’re attitude problem has dissolved, child. You’d have fought with me before.”

“Juvia is keeping all her attitude for training in three weeks, Coach!” She yelled happily as she ran into the training hall to watch.

The boy were all ready before the girls and began to do there warmups. But really, it was a warmup for the real warmup because their scary Captain had already made it clear she was going to kill them in training from now on so they could make nationals.

When she came in she grinned at their effort and yelled, “Suicide runs!” and they all started to dramatically scream.

Juvia sat with the coach in the stand, watching them with love and proudness.

“Gray!” Erza suddenly screamed with her eyes wide and angry. “Where do you think you are going? I said suicide runs until you die!”

“Just give me a minute, Erza, you’ll like the result.” He muttered as he walked off the court.

 _Where is Gray going?_ Juvia wondered as he walked up to her and the Coach.

“Yes, Gray? Is there a reason you’re missing practice and angering Erza?” Makarov asked with a gruff laugh.

“Uh, yeah actually,” He mumbled, playing around with his hands. “I just wanted to…ah…Juvia-”

Juvia stood up at the sound of her name and he took a step back in fright. “Yes?”

“Well I…dammit I can’t do it here. Can we talk outside?” He asked her.

“Are you sure Erza will allow it?”

“She’ll be fine when we come back, I promise you. C’mon.” He said, grabbing onto her hand and gently guiding her out of the hall.

Erza at first was ready to chase them but she caught sight of their hands and with a whisper from Gajeel she ordered the team to continue the warmups.

“Wait what! How come _he’s_ allowed a break?” Natsu had yelled.

“NATSU KEEP RUNNING!”

“AYE M’AM!”

“Is something wrong, Gray?” Juvia asked him as they stood in front of the hall door.

“Do you remember what I said? About people around me getting hurt?”

She nodded and stared at her feet. Perhaps he wanted to remind her that they could not be together, she must have been very clingy since she came back to the team. To keep herself busy she had taking to baking, he must not have appreciated the break she made with his face on it. She readied herself for the rejection.

Suddenly, Gray reached out and lifted her cheek up. “Well, I think I was wrong.” He said.

“Heh?” She squeaked, embarrassingly.

“You got hurt because I wasn’t around you.” He mumbled, his hand still pushing her face up to look at him. She moved to assure him that nothing that happened was his fault but he shushed her. “I know what the media say about me and I know sometimes I can be…difficult-” She let out a laugh at the understatement which made him grin. “- _but_ , I think you know the real me. And no one else has ever really searched for the real me before.”

“Gray took the time to find the real Juvia too. Juvia thinks that we know each other very well now.” She admitted.

“I think so too.” He smiled and leaned forward, using his hand to gently bring Juvia forward as well.

Their lips met each other in the middle and she felt all her pain melting away. Gray placed his other hand on the middle of her back and she placed hers against his cheek. He was warm and soft, everything Juvia needed.

They broke apart –too soon- when they heard a catcall.

The hall doors had been propped wide open and the whole team were stood, staring at them.

“Hey you perverts!” Gray yelled at them. She was glad when he didn’t push her away in embarrassment but instead put an arm around her shoulders and guided her back into the hall. She felt a wild blush spread across her cheeks.

“Oh my! You two are adorable together.” Mira said, clapping her hands together and smiling sweetly at her.

“Uh..th-thank you, Mira.” Gray mumbled, not even he could be mean to Mirajane.

“Attaboy, Gray, you bastard!” Natsu grinned, not being able to fully compliment him.

“Juvia you must tell us everything tonight.” Erza howled as she gestured to her roommate’s.

“Juvia will.” She mumbled.

Erza smiled sweetly at her before turning her attention to Gray, “BACK TO PRACTICE GRAY! YOU HAVE EIGHT LAPS TO CATCH UP WITH!”

Gray yelped and yanked his hand away from Juvia, “YES MA’AM!”

She laughed at his retreating figure and skipped back to her place beside her Coach.

As Gray caught up with his laps Natsu ran up behind him and placed his litter under Gray’s butt to see if it would make him run faster, but instead Erza made him run the laps with Gray as punishment whilst Gray laughed at the pink-haired boys payback.

She turned around to her Coach with a smile, “Thank you.” She told him.

Makarov turned to her, confused. “For what?”

She smiled at him, a singly tear tickling her cheek, “For saving Juvia.”

“Juvia, you saved yourself, my child.” He told her, resting a hand on top of hers.

They watched the team start their scoring training when Coach suddenly spoke again.

"Thank _you,_ Juvia."

"For what?" She asked, confused.

“You’ve made them a stronger team, my girl.” Makarov said with a grin. “You’ve brought them all together and made them friends.”

She smiled, “They brought Juvia together again, first.”

And it was true. She came to Fairy Tail in a range of pieces, and without any directions they all fixed her. She wasn’t a puppet anymore, she had a life.

And she loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in the end I feel like it became more of a Gajuvia bro fic than a gruvia fic, but oh well! my brotp don't get enough love.   
> I really hope you enjoyed it and if you didn't please tell what I could fix!   
> Thank you so much for reading this, I really appreciate it guys!  
> Peace out! (:

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up with a comment if you liked it (:


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